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Smarting Up Your Look

Sadly, there was no question this week so I figured I would talk about something every bachelor should know. So this weeks topic is smarting up your look.

Ok boys, your becoming men, and the best way to show it is through the way you dress. First impressions mean almost everything, so it’s important you don’t screw this up. Ready? Good, because we are going shopping. Only this time, we are going to do it a little different. This time we are going to walk right past stores like Hot Topic, Old Navy, and Modells. From now on, you live in Macy’s, The GAP, and Banana Republic. And most importantly, do not be fooled by make-believe grown-up stores like Express an Guess. These stores only sell clothing with retched designs all over them, and are only appealing to jerk-offs and teenagers.

macys_logo

Let’s start with shirts and sweaters. I know you love you I <3 BEER t-shirt that your room-mate got you Sophomore year because you did the longest keg-stand, but it’s time to throw it away. In fact, all graphic tee’s should be hidden or discarded immediately. Don’t worry, you can still wear t-shirts, but keep them plain. One solid color, with no logo on them. I recommend V-necks because they make your neck look longer and they are a lot more comfortable. Same goes for sweaters, keep them simple so they are easy to build an outfit around. I’d also go V-neck with these, throw a plain white t-shirt underneath and your good to go.

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SMART CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

This weeks question comes from Guy in Cleveland, Ohio.

Dear Bren:

Christmas is almost here and I don’t have any of my shopping done yet. I don’t have a lot of cash cause of the apartment I have. Any ideas on cheep, but good stuff for my girlfriend, mom, dad and little sister but not look cheap or cheesy? Thanks.

-Guy


Well Guy, like a lot of men, shopping is always done last minute. It’s great to have your own place, but when it comes down to having extra cash for the holidays, its rough. (BTW, I hope you checked out last weeks article on how to pimp your pad, here.) I have some great tips on how to buy those last minute gifts and make it look like you spent a lot.

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THE PERFECT PAD

This weeks question comes from Greg in San Francisco, California.

Dear Brendan;

I am a 25 year old bachelor who just finished graduate school, and finally moved out of my parent’s house. I like living on my own, but I am sick of sleeping on an air-bed and staring at white walls. How can I turn this into a place I would enjoy, and won’t cause women to run away the second they see it?

Greg, congrats on getting your first official bachelor’s pad. Now, let’s fix her up! Step one, your not a kid anymore, so take the calendar girl and band posters off the wall, put them in a box with all the comic books you have in you house and hide them DEEP in your closet. When you bring a girl home on a Friday night from the bar, your not going to have much luck romancing her if she is staring at a half-naked Carmen Electra, while your telling her what happened in the last Civil War book.

Carmen-Electra

The next step is painting the walls. I am going to leave the colors up to you, but make sure whatever they are, that they are warm and inviting. Nobody likes a yellow room.

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The Hoe Phone

Today’s question comes from Billy in Cleveland, Ohio.

Dear Brendan:

I recently started dating a girl, and I think it is getting pretty serious. I really like her a lot but we had a fight the other day after she saw a text convo I had with a girl I used to date. She told me I needed to stop talking to all the girl I’ve dated in the past if our relationship is going to work. I don’t want to screw this up, but at the same time, some of these girls have become friends and I would feel bad about cutting them out of my life. What should I do?

Well Billy, I know it sounds harsh but your problem is not an uncommon one. Sometimes women have a habit of being incredibly insecure. And in all fairness, you would probably be upset if she was talking to some guy that she used to play backseat rodeo with. And even though all hope seems to be lost, I think I could help you. Billy, what you need is a ‘Hoe Phone.’ A hoe phone is a pre-paid phone that your girlfriend should never know about.  Have you ever heard about men having hidden bank accounts? Well imagine this as your hidden skank account.

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