(via: thesmokingjacket)

(via: thesmokingjacket)

Hey, ladieees

If you’re single and don’t have any reason to keep a shaved face, try out the bearded look. Put it to the test. Perhaps you’ll get more attention from the ladies. It’s certainly easy to do. Think about it. All you have to do is be lazy. Easy enough right? Women everywhere are declaring their love for this look, and if your sex life could use some improvement, you’ve got nothing to lose. Obviously, you’ll need some charm to win women over, but the facial hair could be the catalyst you need. Maybe the era of the Metrosexual is over. Please be true.

How do we become Men at a time like this? On the home front: my parents divorced at a young age but my dad was always involved with my life. We only lived together for 2 years of my life. I don’t think I was ever taught how to be a man. But is anyone actually taught that? Is it something you can actually teach? So I’ve just been existing as best I’ve known how. What it reminds me of is this story about some young rogue elephants.

Elephants are social creatures with defined roles for everyone in the herd.

The herd is matriarchal, dominated by mothers and aunties. When the male babies grow to adolescence, they are kicked out of the herd, leaving their sisters and mother behind.
We saw several of these lonely guys roaming around in the African bush today. They form bachelor herds that hang out together and wait for female elephants to go into heat.

Like most teenagers, they are relatively harmless, ripping up bushes and pushing down trees as a way of showing off to one another. But occasionally one of them will go rogue. Some social gene in their brain fails to kick in and they run amok, creating havoc.

The usual remedy for a rogue elephant is to shoot it. Left to their own devices, they’ll destroy things and corrupt their peers. One creative solution for a bachelor herd that has been corrupted by a rogue is to bus in an elephant mother. Inevitably, the mother reestablishes order in the herd.

As I reflect on the state of the American teenager hanging out in herds that roam our nation’s malls and sneer at their elders, it seems to me that a good solution might be to parachute in a few mothers to reestablish order.

sethbarnes.com

Is this my generation in 21st century America? Are we rowdy elephants acting out in society while at the same time struggling to make our own way in life?

I’ll be exploring all these themes and more in upcoming posts.

At the moment I’m in between relationships. Sad I know. But that shouldn’t stop me from enjoying the finer things in life. And by finer things in life I mean, the only thing that really matters to all guys out there, PUSSY.

Your probably asking yourself “Friends with Benefits? Really?” Yes really. Don’t watch that horrid Justin Timberlake movie as an example of what to expect. According to a Michigan State University study 74 percent of Friends with Benefits relationships don’t destroy the friendship. YAY!

If romcoms are to be believed, FWB situations always end up with the friends living sexily ever after. Now, you’re savvy enough to know that’s super far-fetched—the same Michigan State study found that only 10 percent of FWB arrangements end in real romantic relationships.

But here’s the shocking part: They also found that just 26 percent of FWB actually ended in a wrecked friendship. Here’s a better way to look at it: 74 percent of FWB relationships DON’T destroy the friendship.

If you enter a Friends with Benefits relationship you have a 10% chance of becoming sweethearts (awww!) and a 74% chance of keeping your current friendship. Sounds win win, right? That’s because it is.

You have the math/ statistics in your corner so get out there and start some Friends with Benefiting!!

Here’s some good tips:

8 ways to turn a female friend into more (for all you guys out there)

or

From Gal Pal To Girlfriend…In 3 Easy Steps (for the ladies)

Why? Because the themes and messages contained within these cartoons have and are continuing to destroy young girls’ attitudes about life and love. Each story has a handsome Prince entering a girls life solving all her problems and then they live happily ever after. Real life, which we’re all living in right now, is much much MUCH more complicated. There will never be a time in anyone on this planet’s life when their life will be problem free. When the Princess finally finds her Prince Charming they get married and the story ends. Yay no more problems. Wrong. Unlike Disney movies our lives aren’t 90 minute self contained stories. My grandparents have been married for 60 some years. Their story certainly didn’t end at happily ever after. Without them constantly battling life through think and thin I wouldn’t be here today.

Plus, these Disney Princes and Princesses are horrible horrible people. Check this out:

Don’t forget the Princes:

Are these the role models you want your daughter to have?

The key to getting to that comfortably numb state is distract your asshole brain from dwelling on the breakup. The sorrow that one feels after a breakup happens to us all. It’s a god damn stupid universally shared human experience like being born or like learning to walk. It happens to us all.

All of this advice is going to sound like ‘duh of course information’ but when your caught up in that breakup / your world is collapsing spiral, you can’t think of any of it on your own, you morose motherfucker.

This is going to sound corny and cliché but get out of your comfort zone, stupid! How did I venture out? I started going to the gym. Yeah I know. I hate the gym too. But it accomplishes two things. You’re getting out of your house (which is full of relationship memories. Hey, remember that time we banged on my ikea couch. That was fun.) and your working out which releases endorphins that naturally put you in a better mood. Not a happy mood but it’s much better than mopey.

To combat the lingering girlfriend presence I replaced all the photographs in my sweet apartment. If you have extreme hatred you can start getting rid of the furniture that reminds you of your ex. I didn’t go to this extreme but I did put up motivational posters allover my apartment to remind me of my inherent awesomeness. Here are a few:

Underwater Kaleidoscope- Tell me that this isn’t cool looking. It’s mad trippy and will bring an awesome ambiance to your night swimming party. Crank the tunes, smoke a little something naughty and see if the bathing suits fall off. (toy splash)

Floating Sofa- If I had a big enough pool, I’d be on this thing right now, sippin’ on a margarita and reading my book. It loos so relaxing. (Hammacher)

Texas Hold ‘Em Inflatable Poker Set- This thing looks friggin’ awesome, but how do the cards not get wet? And what if you need to go to the bathroom? Getting off it will 100% make the table sink and you’ll loose all your chips. I don’t know about this one but the concept is great. (Amazon)

Enjoy fellas!

(via: The Smoking Jacket)

“I feel like Iʼve wasted __ year(s) of my life on this person”. It doesnʼt have to be looked at from such a negative perspective. Not everyone who has a long term relationship is destined to be together. As with anything that is done in life, if at first you donʼt succeed try, try again. (Corniest cliche EVER i know) Itʼs not a waste if you take away your mistakes- and donʼt even try and say you didnʼt make any, because we all do. Learn from all of the things you did and didnʼt do in the relationship and apply them in the future.

So donʼt continue to torture yourself. If you arenʼt truly happy why waste your time and your partners and GET THE F*@#^ out of the relationship!

How much sex is “normal” when youʼre in a relationship? Have you ever wondered if youʼre having enough? Every single relationship is different. No matter what your friends, co-workers, or even partner tell you no two relationships are the same. Just because your friend is having sex 3 times a night, 4 nights a week doesnʼt mean thatʼs the norm. There are tons of different factors into a couples sexual habits. Do they live together? How often do they see each other? What kind of stress do they deal with? What are their sex drives? Are the satisfied with the sex they are having? And tons of others. So donʼt think that just because you have less sex than someone you know means youʼre abnormal.

If you are unhappy with how often you and your partner are having sex talk to them about it. The worst thing you could do is to hold it in and hope it gets better because if it doesnʼt youʼre more likely to go find it somewhere else- and cheating is NOT the right answer to the problem. Talk to your partner and tell them you think you should be having sex more often or just jump their bones when there looking all sexy on the couch. And if the reason your not having more sex is because itʼs become boring or routine, you can change that!

Once you have sex with someone youʼre in a relationship it becomes a part of that relationship and it needs to stay healthy just like you. When the sex decreases… so do other things.

2) Declutter your desk. If your desk is a mess, clean it up. ‘Nuff Said.

3) Improve your skills. Get PC support to install Photoshop and learn it. Learn it well. If you need help go to Google.com

4) Choose a soothing desktop picture. Find a very simple, soothing picture. I do this maybe every day or so.

5) Drink some water. Dehydration can make us tired and sluggish. Water can refresh us. Keep that water coming all day long — you may need to pee more though.

6) Organize your files. Dig into your laptop/pc and sort your files/documents and recycle bin the files you don’t need.

7) Crank up the tunes. Some funky or upbeat tunes might just do the trick. Currently on my playlist: Coheed & Cambria, Foo Fighters, Gaslight Anthem, Green Day.

8) Take a walk. Go outside, walk around, look at people, look at nature, think about your day and your life and the people in it.

9) Take a day or two off. Veg out, or read, or sleep, or exercise, or whatever. Get your mind off work. Think about your priorities like your family.

10) Fill out in the comments section

1) Fenway Park Located at 4 Yawkey Way. It has served as the home ballpark of the Boston Red Sox club since it opened in 1912, and is the oldest baseball stadium currently in use, as well as being the only of the original standard ballparks still in use. It was a great time being in the Death Star but I, Luke, buried my Yankees hat somewhere. Don’t tell anyone.

2) Cheers Beacon Hill on Beacon Street in Boston/Bull & Finch Pub: The show used the Bull & Finch outside shots of the namesake bar Cheers.

3) Boston Beer Works: Just for the Blueberry Beer.

4) Asgard Irish Pub & Restaurant: Irish theme restauarant where the beers are top-notch and the food is INCREDIBLE. No pic needed.

5) Sam Adams Brewery: For a 2 dollar “donation” you can drink beer. As Charlie Sheen says #winning

]]> http://thebachelorbible.com/im-shipping-off-to-boston/feed/ 0 http://thebachelorbible.com/no-one-waits-until-marriage-for-sex-anymore/ http://thebachelorbible.com/no-one-waits-until-marriage-for-sex-anymore/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2011 15:30:43 +0000 Kristin http://thebachelorbible.com/?p=13002 Lets face it- Nobody waits until marriage to have sex anymore (well, very few people that I know of anyway). Some people have sex on the first date, some people wait until theyʼve been dating for a while; it depends on your personal morals and sex drive. Once youʼve made the decision to be monogamous with someone or have gotten into a relationship with someone the boundaries disappear awhere your next orgasm is coming from… or do you?

How much sex is “normal” when youʼre in a relationship? Have you ever wondered if youʼre having enough? Every single relationship is different. No matter what your friends, co-workers, or even partner tell you no two relationships are the same. Just because your friend is having sex 3 times a night, 4 nights a week doesnʼt mean thatʼs the norm. There are tons of different factors into a couples sexual habits. Do they live together? How often do they see each other? What kind of stress do they deal with? What are their sex drives? Are the satisfied with the sex they are having? And tons of others. So donʼt think that just because you have less sex than someone you know means youʼre abnormal.

If you are unhappy with how often you and your partner are having sex talk to them about it. The worst thing you could do is to hold it in and hope it gets better because if it doesnʼt youʼre more likely to go find it somewhere else- and cheating is NOT the right answer to the problem. Talk to your partner and tell them you think you should be having sex more often or just jump their bones when there looking all sexy on the couch. And if the reason your not having more sex is because itʼs become boring or routine, you can change that!

Once you have sex with someone youʼre in a relationship it becomes a part of that relationship and it needs to stay healthy just like you. When the sex decreases… so do other things.

1) Put all agreements in writing:The laws of your state require you to put some contracts and agreements in writing:

• Contracts that will last longer than a year.
• Contracts that involve the sale of goods worth $500 or more.
• Contracts that transfer the ownership of copyrights or real estate.

2) Hire and keep good people: Make sure the people you hire are friendly and can interact with others. Customers will more likely be loyal to an upbeat business, and are more likely to recommend it to their friends.

3) Pay your bills: Do not wait until tax time to pay your bills. The last thing you want is bill-collectors coming after you. Use the cash you have under your bed if you need to.

4) Keep an edge: Introduce a new product or service, or developing a better way to reach customers and interact with team. You can even take 5 clients to a local baseball game.

5) Understand your profits: Analyze how you are going to make money and how that might change from week to week.

If youʼve been dating someone for a long period of time and theyʼve gotten close with your friends and then you break up it can be hard on them too. When hanging out in large groups and when your friends with both people it may even feel like your apart of the relationship. When they fight you get stuck in the middle hearing both sides of the story trying to give advise without taking sides, when theyʼre happy your happy etc.

But what are you supposed to do when they break up?

Itʼs a sticky situation- trust me Iʼve been there. Often whoever you knew first will want you to stop talking to the other person because “youʼve known them longer”, which is a fucking stupid reason if you ask me. I will admit though, itʼs awkward but it does make sense (itʼs just stupid that your friend would ask you to stop talking to someone else just because they donʼt like them anymore, but thats a different story).

I will say this, donʼt lie. Donʼt tell one of them that you arenʼt talking to the other person anymore if you are- it WILL get ugly. Be there for your friends and help them get through but remember itʼs not YOUR relationship itʼs theirs and your the friend.

1) Save up as much money as possible before starting.

Take a very small portion of your own capital and use it to build your brand. Borrowing from banks and friends is not a good idea in the current economy. If the business fails, you will owe more than what you put into it and even wind up bankrupt. Try to use what you already have to build your personal brand.

2) Start Small.

Don’t rent property if you can work somewhere else, like your home office, and don’t hire employees until you can keep them busy with work for 20-40 hour a week.

3) Protect Yourself.

Like having sex, you always need to protect yourself. Call your local county clerks office and ask them what you need to do. They will be more than happy to help you out. Form a LLC or corporation to protect yourself from personal debt. See Number 1. Without being protected a creditor can go after your Xbox, car, or even your house.

4) Profit.

Before jumping the gun, make sure you know how to make a profit. Restaurants are the number one business to fail in America. Just because you think you are the best at cooking, make sure others think so also.

5) Business Plan.

This is the Bible of your business. Live and Die by it. Do not make excuses for yourself that is just a piss poor wait to get out of something. Write up what you want to do today, tomorrow, next month, the next 6 months, or next year.

I see this as two different issues. The first being this: When youʼve done something that has upset or hurt someone and you want forgiveness all you do is say “Iʼm sorry, please forgive me” over and over and over again until you either A. the person forgives you or B. you annoy that person so much that they punch you in the face and you canʼt speak anymore. This kind of saying sorry isnʼt hard. You donʼt think about saying it for hours and hours before you can actually work up the nerve to say it.

When your fighting with someone and you throw out a low blow, do something stupid or whatever it is but itʼs YOUR fault, why is it so hard to say Iʼm sorry the fight was my fault, I shouldnʼt of said that? I know that itʼs not easy for me to say it. Iʼll think about saying it, type the text message and then erase it before I actually send it; think about saying it on the phone or in person and then just go silent for a few minutes. I have learned something (due to my numerous fuck ups- nobody is perfect) after you finally say it you feel SO much better and chances are the other person will respect you a bit more and forgive you for being the bigger person and admitting that you were wrong. Itʼs not easy, but in the end itʼs worth it and you can move on to the make-up sex.

I had a conversation with a co-worker this weekend (when we should have been working) about her and her ex. She told me about how all she did was put her hand in a mutual friends back pocket while they were at a bar and all hell broke loose. Is that cheating or jealousy?

What qualifies as cheating is different to different people. Why? I thought cheating is cheating. Itʼs wrong. Some people consider flirting with a member of the opposite sex cheating while others only consider cheating if you break a physical boundary between you and the other person. I say that if you have to even think “Is this cheating?” then your probably shouldnʼt be doing it. If your doing something that you know you would get mad about if the roles were reversed, you probably shouldnʼt be doing it. And you definitely, DEFINITELY should not be doing any of this with your significant other in the same vicinity.

So letʼs get this straight… CHEATING=BAD. Got it?

Here is the speech/presentation I gave:

Good Afternoon Everyone,

First and foremost I would like to thank the faculty and staff of ___ for inviting me here today. It’s an honor and a privilege. My name is Craig Caruso and I’m a geek. Long before I became the owner of my own company I was a student sitting in the same seats that you are sitting in now. When I was a student I was picked on and made fun of being a nerd and having different interests than everyone else. My main focus was on computers and learning how they worked. That was an early sign of my career.

Name somebody successful?

All these people started somewhere. They started in school and with an idea or passion.

Let me tell you a small story about how I got started with CarusoApps:

During the spring months I play softball with a local team. One day I forgot the playbook at my desk and I did not want to walk back to the office. I thought to myself, with iPhone in hand, that their must be an easier way. I spent the next month reading, researching, and developing an iPhone App. A month later iLineup was born. I learned how to code by reading books and believing in myself, even with others doubting me. As soon as iLineup was launched I had businesses knocking on my door to create apps for them, most recently Rab’s Bowling Alley on Staten Island. The response was overwhelming. Something changed, something changed in me. I found myself taking on more responsibility than ever before. At 25, I realized that the world was at my fingertips and if you believe in yourself you can do anything you want.

I am a living, breathing example of living your passion. If you want to be a teacher when you grow up, then be a teacher and don’t let anyone stop you. You might have some roadblocks in the way but they are just challenges to make you a stronger and better person.

Make the connection, between the homework you do tonight and the test you take tomorrow and where you will be in five, ten, fifteen, fifty years from now. The real world is here at your doorstep and you can do anything you wish, you just have to believe. Don’t stop believing.

A famous entrepreneur once said  “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

That person is Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.

If I leave you with anything today it’s believe in yourself, believe in your passion, follow your dreams, and happiness with family and friends comes first before anything else.

Thank You.

Just remember sometimes you have to pay it forward to move on to bigger things in life

Craig

So Iʼm on Facebook this morning, having a nice cup of hot coffee, smoking a cigarette and I see someoneʼs status update “I love my girlfriend so much 01.16.2011.” So I glance at it again thinking maybe I read it wrong, and it really said 2009 or something.” But, it didnʼt. So these two people have been date for a month and they honestly believe that after 43,200 minutes that theyʼre in love. How much could you possibly know about someone in a month?!? Gimme a break mannnn.

Letʼs get one thing straight bitches and bachelors. YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE. Please do me a favor and donʼt make the classic mistake of saying I love you so soon. After a month your still in the “infatuation stage”. You are NOT, let me repeat, NOT in love. Do yourself, your girlfriend, and your sanity a favor and donʼt say I love you just to say it and because simply saying goodbye when you get off the phone is boring. Love takes time, and work, and after a month youʼve simply not put in enough of either. So wait till itʼs right, and then enjoy what love has to offer.

Here are some reasons on why it sucks:

Get Fat: Single or not, this is a really unhealthy holiday. A month after you’ve pledged to lose the Christmas weight, you are faced with excessive chocolate consumption.

It’s Fake: Feb. 14 is not actually the feast day of Saint Valentine, who is the real reason for the observation. It’s also the anniversary of a bloody massacre! Neither of these occasions necessitate hearts and flowers.

Cupid: Just creepy.

Roses: Bringing home flowers “just because” says, “I love you.” Bringing home flowers on Valentine’s Day says, “I just spent a ton of cash on these stupid flowers. I hope you’re happy. And please tell your mom I did something nice.”

Dinner Reservations: ‘Nuff said

Love Songs: I rather listen to nails on a chalkboard then listen to Kenny G.

Here are some Anti-Valetine Day songs:

Thanks For Getting Fat by Avon Junkies

Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett

You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi

The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks

Faint of Hearts by Coheed & Cambria

Today she wants to know that you appreciate her and sincerely care about her; itʼs not so much about what you can buy her. Donʼt get me wrong just about every girl loves getting beautiful gifts, but that doesnʼt show that you care about her it just shows you can spend money on her. Why not take the time and pick out something special, something thoughtful- make something, do something out of the ordinary. Getting a box of candy and writing To and From on a card doesnʼt say very much. Sheʼll most likely thank you over and over and over again…nahmean.

For those of you who are single and hate Valentineʼs Day, gather some of your single friends, guys or girls, and go to a bar. Guaranteed there are other singles there feeling the same way you do. You might even get lucky!

1) Save Money at Lunch: Bring lunch from home. The average cost of buying lunch in the city is $10.00 a day. I did the math, and it comes to $2,500 a year (give or take a week or two). Instead of wasting food from home, just bring it into the office with you. You can even show off your Transformers lunchbox.

2) Save Money on Coffee: Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts. Really? Trust me, I love my coffee, it can be cheaper by brewing your own. Get a Keurig and your set. It might be more money up front, but will pay itself back in the long run.

3) Save Money on Commuting: Carpooling might not be an option for some, due to public transportation, but ask your manager if you can work from home one or two days a week, or use a flexible work schedule to avoid rush hour. An increasing number of employers are more open to telecommuting and flexible hours.

4) Switch to Free Entertainment: Is your cable or satellite television bill astronomical? Consider canceling services and finding free ways to entertain the family.You can probably find your favorite TV shows for free on the  Internet, usually at the Web site of the network, such as ABC or NBC. This is a proven fact.

5) Mint.com: Use this FREE service to track your bills and spending. This site can import all your bills and factor out everything you need for better money management.

Donʼt worry, not ALL women are like that. Fellas, if you find yourself a good woman, one who actually cares about you and wants to be with you for you and not what you can buy for her, youʼll know it. When it comes down to it, itʼs the little things that count. The little things that you didnʼt have to do for her, but you did them anyway. The things that were briefly mentioned in conversation but you remembered them. It shows that you actually care, listen to what she says, knows what she likes and arenʼt just with her for the nookie (Limp Bizkit lols) And trust me, if you found yourself a good woman, sheʼll remember the  little things too. (But that doesnʼt mean you should be a cheap bastard! Haha.. I kid, I kid…kinda)

1) View: With the NFL, you simply can’t see all the intricacies that you can on TV. Let the TV network do all the work so you don’t go crazy trying to figure out if that playfake was real or not. You get replays, you get slo-mo. In short, when you’re watching on a big TV, you get to know what happened. Not so much in person.

2) Service: I rather deal with a waitress than the person who overchargers for food, has no teeth, and is nasty serving me food at the counter.

3) Booze: It’s cheaper. End of story.

4) Cost: When I got to Yankee games, it can cost me $100.00 easy. That’s not including ticket prices. For $100 at a  bar, you can live like a king. You can eat and drink yourself silly and still have enough money to buy a round or two for the table and the table next to you.

5) Chicks: Certain bars have the girls that you could try and pick up and maybe even take home with you.

1) Bowling: It might be corny, but the competition can become fierce within a couple of frames. I recently went bowling and “the girl” got XXX on me and beat me! That’s the last time I’m betting on games with her.

2) Dinner: Some local restaurants have “price fix” menus during the week. Great food and costing less is a great win if you are on a budget.

3) Laser Tag: Play on teams or against each other. The running around will sure keep some suspense going on during it.

4) Local Concerts: Some local bands play during the week, and for a cheap cover at the local venue, you can see a great band play for cheap.

5) Comedy Club: Comedy clubs are great way to do “something different”.  Dinner and a show for 25 bucks a head. That’s awesome and a fun-filled night. I could guarantee it!

One of the worst things you could ever do is compare your current partner to your old partner, even if your complimenting them by saying theyʼre better, you still shouldnʼt do it. It just puts your ex back in your head where they shouldnʼt be, and it makes your partner think that youʼve still got them on the brain which can lead to jealousy, arguments, a big headache and nobody needs that. What could they possibly need to know that would matter? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Your ex is your ex for a reason. Leave it at that and enjoy what you have now and remind them that if they continue to ask about or bring up your ex, they will be added to that list as well.

1) Have a cab on Speed Dial: We here at TBB do not support drinking and driving so DON’T do it!

2) Stay home: Fire up some mini snacks and drink inside with some friends.

3) Sleep: I know many people who just sleep into the New Year so they can prepare themselves for the new year.

4) Get a Hotel: Rent out a room with some friends and stay there. I don’t think the staff would mind having some extra guests.

5) Go to Manhattan: I highly recommend against this, but you guys do what you want.

1) Movie/TV: My DVR is screaming at me. Time to catch up on CSI, The Walking Dead, NCIS, and whatever else I record recently.

2) Read: I honestly hate reading, but that’s what you do when you have nothing else to do. Lately, I have been reading Gary Vaynerchuk Crush It. It’s worth the read.

3) Video Games: Typical, but I still have not reached Inheritor in Halo 3 Reach yet.

4) Music: There are so many good bands out there, but dont get the credit they deserve. Here are two awesome bands that you might not know about: Lights Resolve & Avon Junkies.

5) Pro-Create: OK. OK. Typical answer from a guy but nows the time so the kid/baby is born in the Summerish. You have all day to try to get it right.