It’s week 2 of the NFL season and we here at the Bachelor Bible (or BB as the kids call it) return with recap of Sunday’s NFL games and a picture of a hot chick. Just for clarification, we only recap the 1 and 4 PM games. The Sunday night game doesn’t need recapping, everyone who cares about that game will watch it. This is more of a recap of things most people did not see if they do not have NFL Sunday Ticket.
Unfortunately since we hosted about 10 people this week I missed most of the games myself. Therefore the gimmick this week is comparing each game to one of the food items we had today.
Jags VS Jets- Buffalo Chicken Dip. Both were the number one option to start the day and both were over within 15 minutes. The rookie got a safety within the first 5 minutes and everyone who started Plaxico Burress in your fantasy league got what they deserved.
This was better than the Jags were this week
Raiders VS Bills- grilled steak sandwiches. Both were extremely exciting and slightly underrated coming into the day. Darren McFadden is turning into the guy we all thought he would be coming out of college. Ryan Fitzpatrick is doing a sick Tom Brady impression, now if we can only have him bring back the beard.
Lions VS Chiefs- The above sandwiches were on garlic bread. Some of the pieces of bread were burnt, much like the Chiefs secondary. Matthew Stafford still throws ball far. The Chiefs would have been better off staying in the locker room and eating burnt garlic bread, maybe then Jamal Charles would still have knees.
Titans VS Ravens- Prosciutto bread. Painfully obvious letdown game, prosciutto bread was also a big letdown. Chris Johnson apparently sucks and Kenny Britt is going to be a 3rd round pick in your fantasy league next year. Seriously Chris Johnson is killing the fantasy stock of everybody who holds out during training camp for the rest of time. I can’t stress this enough: Chris Johnson used to be good at football and now he’s not.
Vikings VS Bucs- Fettuccini Alfredo. Both were unexpected late additions. The Vikings spent the first half smacking around the Bucs. In fact when the Bucs scored their first TD we assumed the Vikings had lent them Adrian Peterson for a few minutes. We stopped watching the game because we determined it was over and then it was and the Bucs had won.
Browns VS Colts- Coleslaw. We watched none of this game and nobody ate any of the coleslaw. From highlights I can tell you that Peyton Hillis shredded the Colts like they were made of cabbage. Also Chris Johnson really sucked today.
Bears VS Saints- Red Velvet Cookies. Slight overkill. We didn’t need to watch Drew Brees throw to 87 different receivers just like we didn’t need the extra 1200 calories from red velvet cookies but we had both anyway. Also Chris Johnson still sucks at not being tackled when he has the football.
Redskins VS Cardinals- 6 Pack of Miller Light. We watched more of this game than anyone would ever think. We got more laughs out of a 6 pack of Miller Light than anyone ever should, mostly because it “has less calories and is more filling”. On the more serious side Rex Grossman and Tim Hightower looked really good and in a related note, Mike Shannahan is a fucken genius.
Einstein, Franklin, Shanahan
49ers VS Cowboys- Pulled buffalo chicken. High scoring shootout, overtime drama, lots of fantasy implications. It was everything we could ask for from a football contest just like pulled buffalo chicken is everything you could ever want from a food. Also, it’s funny how this week Tony Romo led his team to a comeback win, maybe he isn’t so terrible after all.
Steelers VS Seahawks- Miscellaneous. Somebody brought a container of some kind of potato salad that was labeled “miscellaneous”. Nobody touched it the entire time. The Steelers smacked the Seahawks and nobody put on this game the entire time. I was asked how many points the line would had to have been for me to pick Seattle and my answer was 89. Had it actually been that high well then Seattle would have beat the spread.
Bengals VS Broncos- Gatorade. Both were absolutely instrumental in getting through the day. Gatorade to help with my hangover and Bengals Bucs because it was a surprisingly entertaining game during the 4 o-clock block which is usually incredibly boring. BTW, Julio Jones got all the hype this preseason but AJ Green is an absolute beast. Also somebody named Eric Decker is going to be picked up in your fantasy league this week.
Texans VS Dolphins- Tostitos. Tostitos by themselves were missing something. This game without Arian Foster was missing something, namely Arian Foster. BTW the Reggie Bush fantasy relevance train was involved in a giant crash killing thousands and starting a huge fire.
Packers VS Panthers- Pulled Pork. Both were everything we expected them to be. Pulled pork was delicious and the Packers won the game somewhat easily and Aaron Rodgers did Aaron Rodgers things. He threw an 88 yard TD pass to Jordy Nelson probably just to fuck me in Fantasy and because he can. Also we were incredibly disappointed nobody did the championship belt move after scoring a touchdown.
This is the best post TD celebration with the exception of the Lambeau Leap
Chargers VS Pats- Beer Can Chicken. This was the most anticipated late game for us and beer can chicken was the most anticipated afternoon food for us. While both were good, they both left something to be desired. It would have been nice if I had cooked the chicken better and it would have been nice if the Chargers hadn’t turned the ball over 85 4 times. BTW, I hope you all listened to me and went out and picked up Tom Brady for your fantasy league. Seriously, go see if he’s available, he’s really good at throwing the football.
As promised here’s Tyra Banks circa the 1990s. She is also in my all time top 5
Everyone under 20 trust me, she used to be really hot and not at all annoying.
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