The Bachelor Bible » Bitches in Bikinis

Week 2 NFL Recap and a Picture of a Hot Girl

Joe Ball — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 14:00:08 +0000

It’s week 2 of the NFL season and we here at the Bachelor Bible (or BB as the kids call it) return with recap of Sunday’s NFL games and a picture of a hot chick. Just for clarification, we only recap the 1 and 4 PM games. The Sunday night game doesn’t need recapping, everyone who cares about that game will watch it. This is more of a recap of things most people did not see if they do not have NFL Sunday Ticket.

Unfortunately since we hosted about 10 people this week I missed most of the games myself. Therefore the gimmick this week is comparing each game to one of the food items we had today.

Jags VS Jets- Buffalo Chicken Dip. Both were the number one option to start the day and both were over within 15 minutes. The rookie got a safety within the first 5 minutes and everyone who started Plaxico Burress in your fantasy league got what they deserved.

This was better than the Jags were this week

Raiders VS Bills- grilled steak sandwiches. Both were extremely exciting and slightly underrated coming into the day. Darren McFadden is turning into the guy we all thought he would be coming out of college. Ryan Fitzpatrick is doing a sick Tom Brady impression, now if we can only have him bring back the beard.

Lions VS Chiefs- The above sandwiches were on garlic bread. Some of the pieces of bread were burnt, much like the Chiefs secondary. Matthew Stafford still throws ball far. The Chiefs would have been better off staying in the locker room and eating burnt garlic bread, maybe then Jamal Charles would still have knees.

Titans VS Ravens- Prosciutto bread. Painfully obvious letdown game, prosciutto bread was also a big letdown. Chris Johnson apparently sucks and Kenny Britt is going to be a 3^rd round pick in your fantasy league next year. Seriously Chris Johnson is killing the fantasy stock of everybody who holds out during training camp for the rest of time. I can’t stress this enough: Chris Johnson used to be good at football and now he’s not.

Vikings VS Bucs- Fettuccini Alfredo. Both were unexpected late additions. The Vikings spent the first half smacking around the Bucs. In fact when the Bucs scored their first TD we assumed the Vikings had lent them Adrian Peterson for a few minutes. We stopped watching the game because we determined it was over and then it was and the Bucs had won.

Browns VS Colts- Coleslaw. We watched none of this game and nobody ate any of the coleslaw. From highlights I can tell you that Peyton Hillis shredded the Colts like they were made of cabbage. Also Chris Johnson really sucked today.

Bears VS Saints- Red Velvet Cookies. Slight overkill. We didn’t need to watch Drew Brees throw to 87 different receivers just like we didn’t need the extra 1200 calories from red velvet cookies but we had both anyway. Also Chris Johnson still sucks at not being tackled when he has the football.

Redskins VS Cardinals- 6 Pack of Miller Light. We watched more of this game than anyone would ever think. We got more laughs out of a 6 pack of Miller Light than anyone ever should, mostly because it “has less calories and is more filling”. On the more serious side Rex Grossman and Tim Hightower looked really good and in a related note, Mike Shannahan is a fucken genius.

Einstein, Franklin, Shanahan

49ers VS Cowboys- Pulled buffalo chicken. High scoring shootout, overtime drama, lots of fantasy implications. It was everything we could ask for from a football contest just like pulled buffalo chicken is everything you could ever want from a food. Also, it’s funny how this week Tony Romo led his team to a comeback win, maybe he isn’t so terrible after all.

Steelers VS Seahawks- Miscellaneous. Somebody brought a container of some kind of potato salad that was labeled “miscellaneous”. Nobody touched it the entire time. The Steelers smacked the Seahawks and nobody put on this game the entire time. I was asked how many points the line would had to have been for me to pick Seattle and my answer was 89. Had it actually been that high well then Seattle would have beat the spread.

Bengals VS Broncos- Gatorade. Both were absolutely instrumental in getting through the day. Gatorade to help with my hangover and Bengals Bucs because it was a surprisingly entertaining game during the 4 o-clock block which is usually incredibly boring. BTW, Julio Jones got all the hype this preseason but AJ Green is an absolute beast. Also somebody named Eric Decker is going to be picked up in your fantasy league this week.

Texans VS Dolphins- Tostitos. Tostitos by themselves were missing something. This game without Arian Foster was missing something, namely Arian Foster. BTW the Reggie Bush fantasy relevance train was involved in a giant crash killing thousands and starting a huge fire.

Packers VS Panthers- Pulled Pork. Both were everything we expected them to be. Pulled pork was delicious and the Packers won the game somewhat easily and Aaron Rodgers did Aaron Rodgers things. He threw an 88 yard TD pass to Jordy Nelson probably just to fuck me in Fantasy and because he can. Also we were incredibly disappointed nobody did the championship belt move after scoring a touchdown.

This is the best post TD celebration with the exception of the Lambeau Leap

Chargers VS Pats- Beer Can Chicken. This was the most anticipated late game for us and beer can chicken was the most anticipated afternoon food for us. While both were good, they both left something to be desired. It would have been nice if I had cooked the chicken better and it would have been nice if the Chargers hadn’t turned the ball over 85 4 times. BTW, I hope you all listened to me and went out and picked up Tom Brady for your fantasy league. Seriously, go see if he’s available, he’s really good at throwing the football.

As promised here’s Tyra Banks circa the 1990s. She is also in my all time top 5

Everyone under 20 trust me, she used to be really hot and not at all annoying.

Pipe City: Danielle Gamba NSFW

Craig — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 15:00:29 +0000

This vixen is an American model, dancer, and former NFL Cheerleader of Italian and Spanish descent and is New York Yankees player Nick Swisher’s ex-girlfriend.

Danielle has appeared in Playboy, FHM US & UK, Maxim and publications worldwide, as well as performing as dancer in The Nutcracker for the Oakland Ballet. She also holds a bachelor’s degree in Apparel Design from San Francisco State University. Her other credits include music videos and television appearances.

All information from wikipedia.com

Pipe City: Jessica Burciaga NSFW

Kristin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:00:27 +0000

Jessica is a beautiful mix of Mexican from her fathers side and French, Irish and German on her mothers side. This sexy mixed-beauty was selected in February 2009 for Playmate of the Month (and Iʼm sure this has nothing to do with her measurements being 32”, 24”, 34”…I kid, I kid) Jessica has also been featured in Maxim, Modiﬁed Mag, Performance Auto&Sound, Latino Future, and had an article written about her called Open Your Eyes. She has also been in numerous hip-hop music videos.

Pipe City: Sofia Vergara

Lauren — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:00:09 +0000

Sofía Margarita Vergara is a Columbian actress & model. Vergara was already rather well-known in North America from her modeling work, and her first notable acting job in English was in the movie Chasing Papi. She currently stars on the ABC sitcom Modern Family as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett.

Vergara was discovered by a photographer while walking on a Colombian beach. Soon she was presented with attractive offers in modelingand television work, and she considered accepting them. Having been raised rather conservatively and religiously, this was confusing at first. According to an article in the January 2002 issue of Maxim.

Check out her personal webpage and her IMDB page for updates info on this hot lady.

All info found on Wikipedia.com

Pipe City: Kim Smith

Brendan — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:00:42 +0000

This girl has one of the most common last names, but there is nothing common about her smokin’ ass features. This model is Texas born and was discovered when she accompanied her friend to a Model Search of America contest. he was changed from a spectator to a competitor by the head of the contest, and soon after signed with Clipse Management of Dallas. Her face and figure have been featured for Victoria’s Secret, Mac and Jac, Abercrombie & Fitch, Harper’s Bazaar, and Andrew Marc.

Smith has appeared in several music videos, including ‘N Sync‘s “Bye Bye Bye” and “It’s Gonna Be Me,” Maroon 5‘s “Wake Up Call,” and Aerosmith‘s “Girls of Summer“. She entered the movie business in 2002 with a cameo in Van Wilder as comely coed Casey, and followed with a small role in 2004′s Catwoman as model Drina.

The July 2005 issue of Maxim magazine, which Smith appeared in was dedicated to American troops serving overseas and featured Kim posing with militaria including dog tags and a camouflage hat; the article and pictures are featured in the Girls of Maxim Gallery.

In 2007, Smith played a recurring role in the television series Friday Night Lights, which was preceded by a film of the same name about the real-life football team of Smith’s old high school, Permian.

Editors Note: All info found on Wikipedia

Pipe City: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Lauren — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:00:16 +0000

This girls name is going to be everywhere pretty soon. She was recently casted to replace Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers 3 movie. She is beautiful and much better looking in a bikini than Fox is. Take a look.

Pipe City: Jennie Finch

Craig — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 15:00:33 +0000

If you do not know who Jennie Finch is, there is something wrong with you. She pitched for Team USA in the 2004 Athens and 2008 Beijing Olympic games. In 2004, the team came home with a gold and in ’08 came home with the silver. Not only is she an athlete, but she is HOT and only 29. Sorry guys she is married to Major League Baseball pitcher Casey Daigle, who plays for the LA Dodgers. She recently announced her retirement, but I have a feeling she will be back for the Olympics in 2012.

Pipe City: Hayden Panettiere

Kristin — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:00:10 +0000

Itʼs hard for me to believe that the cute daddyʼs girl Sheryl Yoast in Remember the Titans is the same girl you are drooling over right now. Feels kind of creepy, but thatʼs besides the point. Wow did she grow up!! Hayden Panettiere, who will be 21years old this August deﬁnitely looks more grown up than her age. Hayden began modeling at just 11months old for companies such as Playschool, had a role in the soap operas One Life to Live and Guiding Light at a young age which lead her to the role in Remember the Titans. Her “big break” was her role as Claire Bennett in the NBC series Heroes. She has also done guest roles on shows such as Ally McBeal, Malcom in the Middle and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, has appeared in numerous ﬁlms and done voices for animation movies such a A Bugʼs Life and video game Kingdom Hearts.

In addition to her acting she has endorsed products such as Neutrogena, Cover Girl, Got Milk? Khols, and Candies.

ALL THAT AND SHE IS STILL SMOKIN IN A BIKINI! HOT DAMNNNNNN…

Pipe City: Marisa Miller

Lauren — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 15:00:38 +0000

Every time I open up my newest Victoria’s Secret magazine, I see this gorgeous girl in the sexiest lingerie. I seriously want to but every piece that she wears, hoping that I can make it look just as sexy, well it doesn’t, so I’ll let her stick to what she is good at and not steal her thunder.

In 2008, Marisa Miller took home the number one slot on Maxim’s Hot 100 and and in FHM‘s global 2010 “Sexiest Women in the World” poll. She is an American model best known for her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues and working with Victoria’s Secret. In 2007, she became a Victoria’s Secret Angel, and graced the cover of the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to record-setting numbers. Her accomplishments have led to her being dubbed the “return of the great American supermodel.” She also has a contract with Harley-Davidson. Check out her official site here for exclusive pics and updates on his classy lady.

Pipe City: Ana Hickmann

Lauren — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:00:31 +0000

This weeks lady definatly is beautiful in a bikini. Her long blonde hair and long lean legs are just a few of her assets. She is a Brazilian model who has worked for Victoria’s Secret, Nivea, L’Oreal, Clairol, and Bloomingdales. She has appeared in the South African version of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and graced the covers of Brazilian Vogue, Marie Claire, and Elle.

Hickmann was once listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as “The model with the longest legs”, measuring 48″ (122 cm) (measured from hip to heel) out of a total height of 73½” (6’1½”/187 cm). Since 2002, the Guinness Book no longer lists this title.

She was ranked #47 and #85 on the Maxim Hot 100 Women of 2004^[2] and 2005,^[3] respectively

Check out her official site here.

Pipe City: Candice Swanepoel

Kristin — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 15:30:58 +0000

Candice Swanepoel is a beautiful South American model best known for her work for Victoria’ Secret. She has also appeared on the cover of Vogue, ELLE and has done advertisements for Nike, Guess?, and Diesel. She has walked the runway for such designers as Betsey Johnson, Tommy Hilfiger, Dolce and Gabbana, and Sass and Bide.

Pipe City: Tehmeena Azfal

Kristin — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 15:00:46 +0000

If the name Tehmeena Azfal doesnʼt ring a bell, it will from now on. This gorgeous Pakistani model was recently named Impact Model of the Year from the Southern Entertainment Awards, has been in numerous hip-hop music videos, spreads in magazines like Dimepiece Magazine (and she is deﬁnitely a dimepiece) and was on MTVʼs Silent Library. I wouldnʼt mind laying next to (or on top of?) Meena on the beach looking like that, na mean na mean. To see more pictures of Meena, check out her website or look her up on MySpace, Facebook and Twitter!