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Posted on Dec 05, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

Recap of NFL Week 13 and a Picture of a Hot Girl

Titans VS Bills- In 8 months we are going to read a few different variations of the following storyline; “His holdout really affected Chris Johnson and once he got back into game shape he was a beast the last 7 weeks of the year”.  I will never trust him even though trading for him may win me 1 league.  Meanwhile a few weeks ago I called a disappointing 8-8 season for the Bills.  At this point they would be ecstatic with 8-8.

Chiefs VS Bears- The difference in this game was a halftime Hail Mary that the Chiefs were able to convert.  We watched possibly the 2 worst quarterbacks the NFL has to offer and Caleb Hanie out sucked Tyler Palko.  Also Bachelor Bible sends our condolences to Matt Forte.  I never forgave you for ruining my 2009 fantasy football season but you are not Shaun Alexander and I would never root for you to get injured before you got the big contract you deserve.

Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!

Miami VS Oakland- This game ended 34-14 and was not as close as the score would lead you to believe.  The Dolphins went from potential #1 overall pick to frisky 6-10 team that nobody wants to play.  Also Tony Sparano should win coach of the year and yes I am super serious.  I am also really excited for somebody picking Reggie Bush in the top 4 rounds of one of my fantasy drafts next year.

New England VS Indy- The Colts beat the spread and were a successful onside kick and 30 second no time out touchdown drive away from winning this game.  That’s a moral victory if there ever was one.  Also Dan Orlovsky outperformed Tom Brady fantasy wise so please everyone who took my advice and went out and picked up Tom Brady should cut him for Dan Orlovsky.

Pittsburgh VS Cincinnati- Some teams are REAL good and some teams are fake good.  The Steelers are REAL good and the Bengals are just fake good.

Carolina VS Tampa- Cam Newton had 3 rushing touchdowns and 1 passing and will inevitably be selected way too high in your fantasy draft next year.  This is all I have because I didn’t watch any of this game.

Jets VS Redskins- Last week my Facebook feed blew up with Jet fans calling for Mark Sanchez’s head and he threw 4 touchdowns.  This week it blew up with calls for OC Brian Schotenheimer’s job.  The team ended up scoring 35 points.  Jet fans need to call out the defense next week and they will inevitably pitch a shutout.

Houston VS Atlanta- Atlanta is one of those FAKE good teams we mentioned previously.  Houston is a REAL good team with a fake good QB.

Denver VS Minnesota- With under 7 minutes remaining Denver was down 8 with the ball.  At that moment I had no doubt they would win the game, I just wasn’t sure how it would unfold.  It unfolded with Tebow leading 2 different game tying drives and then his defense picked off Christian Ponder and set up Denver for a game winning field goal.  Biggest Tebow time was taken to such a high level this week that my mom asked “Who is this Tebow guy?” 

Baltimore VS Cleveland- A few weeks ago I did a list of best running backs in football which only included Adrian Peterson.  However I also included a few honorable mentions and Ray Rice did not make the list.  Apparently he caught wind of this and decided to rush for 400 yards and 7 touchdowns.  I just want Raymond R. Rice to know that I am sorry for not including him and next time I do the best running backs alive list his name will surely be included.  The Browns managed just 3 points in this game which is 4 more than I expected.

Arizona VS Dallas- The one silver lining of being a Giant fan is that they are chasing Dallas for the NFC East title and Dallas is just as flawed as the Giants.  This game ended when Jason Garret iced his own kicker in regulation, followed by his kicker MISSING the second time.  Then in OT, Kevin Kolb threw the ball as far as his little baby arm could manage (5 yards) and Larod James Ray Stephen-Howling-Smith-D’Brickashaw-Williamson scampered 50+ yards for a game winning touchdown.  After the game Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan was quoted as saying “I eat because I’m sad and I’m sad because I eat”

This blog is full of references nobody under 20 gets

San Fran VS St Louis- John Harbough is going to win coach of the year.  Steve Spagnolo is not.  San Fran clinched the NFC West with this win which surprised me because I thought it had been clinched 6 weeks ago.

Giants VS Packers- Normally I’d be more upset but my favorite team went toe to toe with the best team in football and lost by 3.  The Giants remind me of one of my 6 fantasy football teams, “The Goodness”.  You see “The Goodness” is far and away my best team.  However we have struggled through a myriad of injuries and bad luck and are currently in 5th place needing a win this week to sneak into the top 4 and secure playoff berth.  You see I know “The Goodness” is the best team in the league and if we just make the playoffs we will win the whole thing.  I also know the Giants are good enough to win the whole thing if they can just sneak into the playoffs.  I’m not angry with the team or the coach or the GM.  I am just hopeful that they can win out and find a spot in the playoffs because they went punch for punch with the Pats and Packers, the 2 best offenses in the NFL and went 1 for 2.  All I want is a shot at the playoffs and 1 more chance to beat Aaron Rodgers down Cherry Hill…..

Kara picked this week's girl

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Posted on Dec 01, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

Space Jam Dodge Ball

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood

They tell me dodge ball is wrong.  They say it encourages children to pick on the weak and that it’s a form of bullying.  I say that is liberal horseshit and that type of thinking leads to the pussification of our country.  I think we need to encourage our youngsters to play dodge ball.  It’s a game that combines strength, agility, teamwork and strategy.  Not to mention we never know when the aliens are going to come down to earth and challenge us to a game of dodge ball for intergalactic dominance, basically Space Jam but with dodge ball. 

If this ever happens we would need to devise a team in order to defeat the aliens who would obviously possess superior physical skills.  What qualities would we be looking for?  Arm strength would be the most important strength.  The easiest way to get someone out is to throw the dodge ball so hard they cannot catch it.  We also factored in, agility, catching ability and overall athleticism to make a Super Team to save our planet.  Let’s get to the team.

Bryce Harper- Bryce Harper is a former catcher so we know that catching the dodge ball wouldn’t be a problem for him.  His arm is also graded as a perfect “80” by major league baseball scouts so he has the arm strength we are looking for. 

Does this make him a 2 sport star?

Aroldis Chapman- He thows a baseball faster than anyone else in the world.  That’s all we need to know to put him on this team.

Wes Welker- He’s a former high school quarterback so he has some arm strength.  But really we chose Wes because of his quickness, agility and the fact that it seems that he has the best hands in the NFL and catching your opponent’s throw is an important part of dodge ball.

Matt Stafford- Quarterbacks obviously have a ton of experience throwing a larger ball so there will be a bunch of them on this team.  Stafford makes it because of his extreme ability to “throw ball far”.

Jeff George- Even at 40+ years of age Jeff George still has superior arm strength.  He probably has the best arm in NFL history.  Everyone who has ever seen Jeff George throw a football has fallen in love with his arm and this singular fact is the reason why Jeff George continued to get chances in the NFL despite the fact that by all accounts he was a giant douche who didn’t work very hard at football.  That makes him perfect for our team, you don’t have to read coverages at the line of scrimmage in dodge ball you just need to throw the ball hard.

Nobody looks better in training camp than Jeff George

Michael Vick- Another player with an incredibly strong arm.  See here.  He also has amazing speed and agility so he would be difficult to hit with the ball.  Plus, if he gets hit in the face with the ball everyone on earth would laugh a bit.

Mariano Rivera- This one was easy, I imagined the “Hammer of God” throwing a dodge ball the same way he throws a cutter and I’m pretty sure it would be impossible to catch.  Sometimes it is that simple.

Tim Tebow-  Sure he probably wouldn’t hit one opposing player with a ball.  Sure there are probably hundreds of potential dodge ballers who can throw harder and with more accuracy.  But we need to win this game to keep the aliens from taking us over and quite frankly there is no bigger winner in sports today than Timothy J. Tebow.  I see this coming down to the last game and Tebow being the last man standing by eliminating the aliens last few players by himself after missing every alien for the first 58 minutes of playing.

Ok maybe being Tebow is better than being Stafford

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Posted on Nov 28, 2011 by — Sports, Uncategorized — Add your take!

NFL Week 12 Recap and a Picture of a Hot Girl

Cincinnati VS Cleveland- This Sunday at my house was a family event which meant a whole new set of people with different gambling implications and games they needed to watch.  As a result we watched a whole bunch of this game as my uncles claimed the Bengals were “a lock this week”.  They somehow eeked out a win but were unable to cover the spread.  The first of many great gambling calls by my uncle.  Andy Dalton looked good and if we redrafted the 2011 NFL draft today I imagine he’d be a top 5 pick along with Cam Newton, Von Miller, Patrick Peterson and A.J Green.

Titans VS Bucs- Welcome back Chris Johnson, we missed you.  We now have a time table for how long it takes to get back into game shape after missing all of training camp; 10 weeks.  Too bad all of your fantasy owners are in dead last after selecting you in the top 5 of their drafts.  This game ended with a 4th and 1 in a torrential downpour with the clock running and the Bucs deciding to run one of the worst 4th down plays I have ever seen and not only didn’t make the yard they needed they lost 3 yards.  Game: Titans.

Atlanta VS Minnesota- Roddy White went into pure Beast Mode for this game.  He had by my own estimates 290 receiving yards and 4 touchdowns.  Minnesota did their best, Percy Harvin had a big boy game but without Adrian Peterson the Vikings just didn’t have enough firepower to stay with the Falcons.

Arizona VS St. Louis- Beanie Wells sucks.  I don’t care if he had 200+ rushing yards in this game, I refuse to believe he is any good.  Patrick Peterson however is really good.  He had his 3rd punt return of the year for a touchdown and I can promise next year that Steve Spagnuolo will have his punter kick the ball out of bounds every time and take his chances with the Cardinals offense rather than let Peterson beat him again.

Houston VS Jacksonville- Matt Leinert broke his collarbone in this game 2 weeks after Matt Schuab broke his foot.  Rumors that Brett Favre is flying to Houston are unsubstantiated.

Panthers VS Colts- The Colts gave a valiant effort but are 5 weeks away from having to engage in an awkward conversation with Peyton Manning asking him to retire so Andrew Luck can play.  Reports of a Deangelo Williams fantasy relevance sighting cannot be confirmed at this time.

Jets VS Bills-  Around 2 PM my Facebook newsfeed blew up with Jet fans calling for Mark Sanchez’s head on a platter.  In the end he threw 4 touchdowns including the game winner and his team survived another week.  However it all would have been for naught if Stevie Johnson had managed to hold onto a perfectly thrown ball from my favorite Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Johnson had 2 steps on anyone from the Jets and let the ball go right threw his hands ruining an otherwise solid performance against the world’s only shutdown corner Darrell Revis.  Maybe he will blame God again for this drop.

Oakland VS Chicago- Sebastian Janikowski kicked 6 field goals and led to a 10 minute debate as to whether that was a smart pick by the Raiders selecting him in the first round 7 years ago.  I still say no.  The game ended when the Bears backup QB was unable to execute a clock killing spike to give the team another play at the end of the game.  Weird.

Washington VS Seattle- The Seahawks were the second of my uncle’s “locks of the week”.  Naturally the Redskins not only beat the spread but also beat the Seahawks.  The lesson from this game; when you lay 4 points you better do so with a QB of a higher quality than Tavaris Jackson.

New England VS Philadelphia- The Pats laid the wood to the Eagles this week and hopefully killed any chance “The Dream Team” has of making the playoffs.  Vince Young is unable to make even the most basic throws.  This game was just a barrage of Desean Jackson and Brent Celek shaking their heads as balls bounced at their feet or flew 3 feet over their heads.  The Pats receivers feel the opposite as every ball seems to hit them perfectly in their hands in stride.  With the fantasy playoffs coming up in 2 weeks I suggest everyone who hasn’t already go grab Tom Brady as he is totally awesome.

This is the picture of a man whose quarterback cant get him the ball

Denver VS San Diego- This was my uncles 3rd “lock of the week” and if you haven’t figured out the theme of his picks so far he LOVED the Chargers.  His logic being that the Chargers would put up too many points for Tim Tebow to even mount a comeback.  This is a solid argument but it ignores a few basic facts.  First, Phil Rivers sucks.  This is something most people outside of San Diego and his fantasy owners don’t realize yet but he does.  Also the Denver defense is really good.  It’s so good in fact that I’m sure Kyle Orton was sitting in the locker room in Kansas City bitching that he’d still be the starter in Denver if their defense played like this when he was there.  The last thing my uncle didn’t take into account was that “it’s biggest Tebow time, it’s daddy’s favorite quarterback”.  Look, I can’t explain this Tebow thing so I have chosen to just enjoy it and I recommend you do the same.

For your viewing pleasure, Nikki Cox

She was hot in the 90s, trust me

 

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Posted on Nov 25, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

Explaining College Football’s BCS Shit Show to you

If you only slightly follow college football you may find that you hear references to “BCS Anarchy” and “BCS Chaos” or “BCS coke fueled midget orgy”.  This are inevitably references to the fact that every week 2 or 3 top 10 teams have lost thus making the National Title Game picture a little murkier.  Well luckily for you, I’m here to calmly explain things to you in a way that you can understand.  Let’s go through the BCS top 10 teams.

 

 

  1.  LSU- Undefeated, has played the most difficult schedule to date and yet somehow is one of only 2 teams in Div 1A to not yet lose a game.  They play Arkansas this weekend and if they win they play Georgia in the SEC Championship game.   Naturally I expect them to lose to throw the BCS Shit Show into more disarray.
  2. Alabama- Has only lost to LSU.  They have the fast track to the National Title game at this current time.  Most likely scenario: they beat Auburn this weekend and then beat LSU in the National Title Game leading to 750,876 columns the following week and how the 2 teams should play one more time to decide the true winner.
  3. Arkansas- Has only lost to Alabama.  Even if they beat LSU this weekend, they probably still won’t play in the National Title Game because the public sentiment is that they aren’t really all that good.  This is one time the public sentiment has it right, this is probably the least imposing #3  team ever.  BTW all 3 teams in the top 3 all play in the SEC West which makes me feel bad for Auburn, Ole Miss and Miss. St.
  4. Oklahoma St- They were undefeated averaging something like 75 PPG and only had 2 games left in their season.  Naturally they lost to an unranked team from Iowa eliminating any chance we had at a clear cut #1 VS #2 title game.  They play Oklahoma next week and if they win may still have a chance at the title game.  Naturally I fully expect Oklahoma to lay the wood to them.
  5. Virginia Tech- Virginia Tech is 10-1 by virtue of a weak non-conference schedule and by beating all the teams they are supposed to in their conference.  They lost to Clemson who are by most measures better than they are but we will get to the Tigers later.  They are the most obscure 5th ranked team ever.  They play Virginia this weekend and will probably lose because that makes the least sense.
  6. Stanford- Stanford is 10-1 ranked 6th in the country and has almost no chance of winning the Pac-12.  In fact they probably have a better chance of getting into the National Title game than the Rose Bowl.  I love college football, it makes so much sense.
  7. Boise St- Boise St. is the team that has to be kicking themselves (pun intended).  They were a missed FG away from being undefeated in a year with only 1 other undefeated team.  I think public sentiment would have landed them at #2 and a chance to be demolished by LSU.  Instead they can’t even win the Mountain West and are probably going to be stuck in a lesser bowl game.  I’m incredibly bummed about this because a big part of me wanted to see how Boise would fare against a top flight SEC defense.
  8. Houston- Houston is undefeated, with a Quarterback who deserves the Heisman and an average margin of victory of about 50. Of course they are ranked 8th, this is for 2 reasons.  The first is strength of schedule.  This makes sense as they have played nobody else in the top 25 of the BCS.  The second is that they started the year unranked so pollsters have trouble moving them up a whole bunch of spots even though they are smacking their meager opponents every week.  I love college football.
  9. Oklahoma came in to the year ranked #1.  They somehow managed to lose to Baylor and Texas Tech, 2 teams that couldn’t stop Wagner College from scoring.  Somehow though they can win the Big 10 if they beat Oklahoma St. next weekend.  There’s probably a 90% chance this happens.
  10. Oregon- Oregon plays Oregon St. this weekend and will play in the Pac-12 title game if they win.  The Pac-12 title game will feature either Oregon or Stanford VS an overmatched UCLA team in a game that will be over by halftime.  Oregon has 2 losses however, 1 to LSU in week 1 which is understandable and 1 to USC last week.  They have no chance at the title game but are 2 easy games away from winning the Pac-12.

The rest of what you need to know.  Clemson plays South Carolina this weekend in a really cool matchup.  Clemson will probably lose and then beat one of the Virginia teams to win the ACC.  Georgia is ranked 13th and will play whichever juggernaut wins the SEC West.  I fully expect them to win thus leading to the possibility of a National Title Game between 2 teams that couldn’t win their own conference.  Kansas State is ranked 11th, has but 2 losses, both to top 10 teams and has about a 1% chance of playing in a BCS bowl game.  The Big Ten title game will see Michigan St square off against the winner of this weekend’s Wisconsin/Penn State tilt.  Wisconsin was 2 Hail Maries away from being undefeated and playing in the national title game.  They are the only 1 of these 3 teams that has a chance to keep up with Oregon.  Naturally I don’t give them a chance in hell of winning both of the next 2 games.  TCU will win their conference and play in some lesser bowl, probably against Michigan or Baylor, 2 teams that are interesting offensively but to call them flawed defensively is understating the depths of their problems.  Somebody will win the Big East and will play in one of the 5 BCS bowl games, taking away a spot from a more deserving team.  I would tell you who this team will be but honestly I don’t care and let me stress this, neither should you.

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Posted on Nov 21, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

NFL Week 11 Recap and a Picture of a Hot Girl

This week I will not be in America on Sunday and cannot write the usually Bachelor Bible Recap of the NFL’s week 11 action.  However I did not want to leave our readership without their dose of BB Recap goodness so I’m guessing what I think will happen in each one of these games.  As far as most of you know, this will be as accurate as the actual recap.  Once again, let me reiterate, this are all guesses before the actual games as to what I think WILL happen.

Detroit VS Carolina- Matt Stafford throw ball far.  Megatron probably torches the Panthers’ secondary for like 3 TDs.  Cam Newton probably continues his descent back to the middle of the pack as defenses every week have more and more tape to prepare for him.  Oh and Ndamkung Suh probably does something dirty.  Detroit takes it 42-20

Jaguars VS Browns- Who cares?

Tampa Bay VS Green Bay- The Packers win the title for “best team by the bay”.  Aaron Rodgers passes for 400 yards and 5 touchdowns before the 4th quarter even starts and the telecast is promptly shut off because the announcers are having uncontrollable Aaron Rodgers’ induced orgasms in the booth.

Dallas VS Washington- The Cowboys lose this game because it looks too obvious that they will win.  Demarco Murray will fumble twice in the red zone and Tony Romo will throw a late pick to Deangelo Hall which will lead to 500 different columns this week questioning his “clutchicity”.  Or the Cowboys will win by 30, either or.

Buffalo VS Miami- Reggie Bush rushed for a touchdown but Fred Jackson rushed for 3 in his valiant attempt to GET PAYYYYEDD.  The Dolphins come crashing back down to earth and are not favored in a game again the rest of the season.  Tony Sparano still gets fired at season’s end but instead of getting Andrew Luck the Dolphins wind up with Matt Barkley aka Matt Leinert 2.0 and the franchise continues to be bottom dwellers throughout the decade.

Oakland VS Minnesota- This matchup features possibly the 2 most talented running backs in the league in Adrian Peterson and  Darren Mcfadden.  Naturally then this game will be decided by an awful throw by one of the 2 middle of the road quarterbacks late in the game.  I’m thinking a combined 300 rushing yards 3 touchdowns and at least 3 “Oh shit” moments.  The team that wins will be the team that scores more touchdowns.

Cincinati VS Baltimore- I play on a men’s league basketball team named after a fictional saint.  Our team is one of the better teams in a league that is filled with above average competition.  However we have a disturbing habit of deciding that certain teams are not worth our time and effort and we “play down to our competition” as they say in the sports world.  The Baltimore Ravens also do this from week to week in the NFL.  I don’t know how an entire team can subconsciously judge an opponent and deem them unworthy without actually discussing it but it happens.  The only question of this game is whether the Ravens deem the Bengals true contenders based on their 6-3 record or bums based on the fact that they lack big name players at many key positions.  If the Ravens win it is because they respect the Bengals and if they lose it is because they took them lightly.

Seattle VS St. Louis- This game will end in a 0-0 tie after 75 minutes of regulation and over -time play.  Congress will then pass a law banning football in both St. Louis and Seattle for the next 10 years.  Nobody will be sad.

They are voting on the fate of 50% of the NFC West

Arizona VS San Francisco- Larry Fitzgerald will go for 100+ yards and multiple touchdowns despite the 49ers employing as many as 6 defensive backs to guard him on any given play.  It will not matter however as San Fran will win as they are destined to go 13-3 and get smacked in the second round of NFL playoffs.

Titans VS Falcons- The Chris Johnson comeback tour will continue, thus fooling everyone to draft him way too high in their fantasy league next year.  Roddy White is going to draw at least 2 pass interference penalties which do no good for his fantasy owners and Jason Snelling or Jacquiz Rodgers will poach a TD from Michael Turner thus causing all of his fantasy owners to hurl something in anger.   In reality football news, the Falcons will win 27-14

This is your worst nightmare Michael Turner owners

San Diego VS Chicago- San Diego wins a “must win game”.  Norv Turner proves he is not completely retarded and has his punter kick every punt out of bounds or out of the end zone thus neutralizing  Devin Hester .  Matt Forte does Matt Forte things and Antonio Gates returns to prominence.

This week, Sloan!

Her name is too Sloan!

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games

Chardee MacDennis is a game created in one episode of the FX hit comedy; “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”.  If you don’t watch this show then I don’t know what to tell you, you’re an idiot.  If you do watch the show then I’m sure you have wanted to play Chardee MacDennis.  I’ve gathered the rules from Wikipedia (it is too a reliable source!) and added a few suggestions so that you too can play this game (if you are completely deranged and a game like this appeals to you)

The game is played with two opposing teams for fifteen minutes (not including stoppage time, which is frequent) where each team must progress through three stages with its own set of rules. The game ends when one team has completed the required number of challenges from each level. Upon achieving victory the winning team gets to smash the game pieces of the losing team.

  • Be sure to always have a first aid kit for injury stoppage.
  • It is highly suggested that the game board be nailed down as Mac will get angry at losing and try to flip the board.
  • Cursing is not allowed in level two.
  • Asking questions is not allowed while the clock is running.
  • If a player spills his drink his team must chug the opposing team’s drinks.

Cheating

Cheating is a big part of this game. It’s tolerated and accepted but there are penalties for getting caught. If a player is caught cheating while both teams are at the same level the opposing team advances one level. If the team at the higher level is caught cheating the opposing team is advanced to the same level.

Pre-Round Etiquette

Classical music should be played while the participants dine and make small conversation, it gives the illusion of respect for one’s opponent. Ask any questions now because asking questions is forbidden while the clock is running, an infraction of the question rule results in being penalized by the team drinking for five seconds. After the reception wine glasses should be smashed (Understood if this rule is not followed) and fierce dancing and Maori war dances should occur to intimidate the other team.

This is what the board looks like

Level One (Mind): Trivia, Puzzles, and Artistry

At this stage only wine is to be served. To advance the team must complete three challenges, taking the card to show proof of victory. Each team picks a card that contains a trivia question, puzzle, or artistic challenge. There are also chance cards taken directly from monopoly, but can be modified. The cards include:

Trivia

  • What is the greatest band in the world?
  • Answer: Chumbawamba
  • Denis is asshole. Y Charlee hat?
    • Answer: Becauze Denis is a bastardt man

    Other suggestions: You can make any trivia cards you want or just steal the cards from a game like cranium or trivial pursuit if you are too lazy to come up with your own.  I recommend using their 2 trivia questions AND each player making up 3 of their own.

    Artistry

    • ALL PLAY: The artist from your team must draw the clue from the card on their teammates back. Teammate must guess the clue solely on feel.
    • Suggestion: Other artistry can include charades or creating something out of play dough

    Chance

    • Take the money from everyone’s pockets.
    • Swallow this card whole
    • Go to jail. Jail is a dog kennel and the only way out is to eat the ingredients of a cake.
    • Other Suggestions: Everyone pass their drink to the player to their right.  
    • Punch a player of the other team. 
    • Run around the room you are in 4 times. 
    • Pick a player on the opposing team to eat any food of your choosing.

    Level Two (Body): Physical Challenge, Pain, and Endurance

    At this stage only beer is served. There is no cursing allowed either, in the event of cursing the team has to chug a drink for 5 seconds while the other team counts. The team picks a card which has a physical challenge written on it, completing two challenges will allow the team to advance to the third level. Cards include:

    • Player must put his or her hand on the dart board while the opposing team throws darts. If he flinches or shows any sign of pain he loses the challenge. (Understood of you want to skip this rule)
    • The grape gobble. One player from each team must fit as many grapes in their mouth using only their faces. Eaten grapes do not count.
    • Other Suggestions: Have one player on your team stand against a wall with their legs spread and hands on the wall.  Each player on the other team whips a tennis ball at you from 15 feet away and if you flinch you do not get the card.
    • All Play: Everyone on both teams must stand on one foot and whoever lasts longest will get the card.
    • Chugging contest
    • Throwing stuff into other stuff that has the drink of your choice in it (aka beer pong or quarters)

    Level Three (Spirit): Emotional Battery and Public Humiliation

    At this stage only hard liquor is served. The team picks a card which has an emotional battery or public humiliation challenge. No mercy should be shown.  This is pretty self explanatory.

    In the event of a tie the instructions on the black card must be followed. It reads: flip a coin to determine who is victorious.

    So here are the rules.  Feel free to adjust them as you see fit.  Enjoy!

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    Posted on Nov 15, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

    I Love You Rex Ryan

    Oh Rex, even though being at that game Sunday night was a total waste of my time, this just melts my heart.

     

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    Posted on Nov 15, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

    NBA Negotiations Are Looking Terrible.

    Looks like news surrounding the NBA lockout is getting worse before better. Does anyone care? Hell yeah, I do, because I don’t enjoy hockey. I’m not dissing hockey, it’s just isn’t as exciting to me as basketball. I’ve waited a long time for the New York Knicks to look good again, and this lockout has crushed my dreams! Looks like Carmelo isn’t the answer to everything.

     

    The NBA Players Association plans to reject the owners’ proposed collective bargaining agreement and disband the union. If this move happens, you can kiss basketball goodbye this season.

    Just about the only thing that could save the season would be if the owners were so shocked by the rejection of their proposal and are so afraid of losing an entire season’s worth of revenue that they scramble and put forth a proposal tonight that would hold off the dissolving of the players association. David Stern has remained pretty hard-nosed throughout this entire process, but maybe he’s afraid of having a canceled season on his legacy and makes one more push. (via: brobible)

     

    The lockout took a terrible turn today as mentioned. According to Yahoo Sports:

    Monday, Nov. 14, can probably be looked back on as the day that the 2011-12 NBA season was destroyed. The players announced that the owners have not negotiated in good faith and the player’s union will now dissolve, opening up the league to anti-trust lawsuits from all the players.

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    Posted on Nov 13, 2011 by — Sports — Add your take!

    Recap of NFL Week 10 and a Picture of a Hot Girl

    Recap of NFL Week 10 and a Picture of a Hot Girl

    New Orleans VS Atlanta- Drew Brees is so good that Mike Smith went for it on 4th down and inches at his team’s own 30 yard line, basically assuring his team of losing if they didn’t make it because he KNEW his defense couldn’t stop Drew Brees.  That’s a level of respect we’ve never seen before.  In retrospect maybe the Falcons should have used some of those draft picks on shoring up their defense instead of trading them for Julio Jones.  Fun Fact; the Saints are now 0-11 on coin tosses this season which happens to one out of every 1,248 teams.

    Dallas VS Buffalo- It was nice while it lasted Buffalo.  8-8 seems to be where they are headed and a 5 win improvement from last year is nothing to be ashamed of.  In an unrelated note the Cowboys offense are a bunch of fantasy studs.  Tony Romo threw ball far to the tune of 200+ yards and 3 touchdowns in the first half and took the second half off to bang 3 woman hotter than you or I will ever see.  Dez Bryant is a monster, ditto Jason Witten.  Demarco Murray looks like the waiver wire pickup that will win some people their league.  They have sooo many weapons even with all their injuries.

    This is what an 8-8 beard looks like

    Jacksonville VS Indy- There were 10 games on at 1 PM today.  Needless to say we didn’t get to watch every game and this was 1 of 2 that never made it onto the T.V.

    Arizona VS Philly- This game did make it into our rotation.  It also perfectly illustrates the evils of gambling on sports.  I should be ecstatic that the Eagles lost and put themselves in an almost impossible spot to make the playoffs.  Instead I am distraught because this game was one of 2 that knocked us out of our 135 person survivor pool this week.  I should be happy that Michael Vick looked like shit and that the immortal John Skelton torched the Eagles $30 million secondary for 300+ yards.  But I’m not and it’s all because of gambling.  Larry Fitzgerald also wants you to know he’s still alive and that when he has a human capable of getting him the ball that he is in the conversation for best wide receiver alive.

    Way to go Philly, you lost to an extra from Leave it to Beaver

    Houston VS Tampa- Arian Foster is really fucken good.  Then again Ben Tate is really good too.  Actually Derrick Ward didn’t look bad in this game either.  On second thought the Texans line is really good at run blocking.

    Tennessee VS Carolina- Speaking of people who are really good; welcome back to being awesome Chris Johnson!  I’d like to think that Chris Johnson has been reading the Bachelor Bible recaps every week and we motivated him to finally do well.  Way to start earning that contract Chris!

    Miami VS Washington- Way to go Dolphins, not giving up on the season.  Reggie Bush had 2 touchdowns to continue the “Reggie Bush playing like this is NCAA06” theme that has been going in November.   The Redskins are 2 months from getting Mike Shanahan fired.

    Pittsburgh VS Cincinnati- Andy Dalton found out it is much tougher to succeed in the NFL when you are playing the Steelers as opposed to the crappy teams the Bengals have been beating.  He did however connect with A.J. Green on a beautiful long touchdown pass.  Welcome to the first 3 rounds of everyone’s fantasy draft next season A.J.

    St. Louis VS Cleveland – This was the other aforementioned “game we didn’t even try to watch not even for a little bit”.  I heard Steven Jackson was in beast mode but that’s just a rumor.

    Broncos VS Chiefs- Tim Tebow did not complete a pass until about halfway through the third quarter of this game.  He finished with 2 completions on 8 attempts (one for a touchdown) which in this day in age is horrible.  However, his team managed to win despite this and are within one game of first place in their division.  I have no idea what to make of this so I am just going to skip to the next game.

    Baltimore VS Seattle- This is the other “game that knocked us out of our Survivor pool”.  More than once the commentators remarked how Tavaris Jackson threw “a perfect pass” on a particular play.  Had we know that Tavaris Jackson was capable of completing perfect passes maybe we would have picked differently.  However history had told us that if given the choice Tavaris will usually throw a ball that is described as less than perfect.  Joe Flacco however continued to drive everyone in Maryland and everyone who gambled on him to drinking heavily on Sundays.

    Detroit VS Chicago- Matt Stafford throw ball far turned into Matt Stafford throw ball to other team.  By my own estimates he threw 15 pick sixes and on one utterly amazing play managed to overthrow Calvin Johnson.  Scientists at Brown University are studying said pass since it was previously believed to be impossible to overthrow Megatron.  Also Devin Hester had another punt return for a touchdown leading me to believe that NFL coaches really aren’t all that smart since they continue to let their kickers kick to this man.

    Giants VS 49ers- This game was the cherry on top of the sports apocalypse that was my week.  There would be more expletives in this paragraph and more broken laundry baskets at my house but I kind of expected this and after last week’s win I am still on a bit of a Giants football high.  For instance today’s conversation during the game was whether Eli Manning is the 3rd or 4th best quarterback in the NFL this year and yes we were serious and no we are not being Giants homers.

     

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    Posted on Nov 11, 2011 by — Politics, Sports — Add your take!

    Joe Pa=Dope on the Table

    “This is a business decision disguised as a morality decision”- Chris Fowler

    “Dope on the damm table?”- Lt. Daniels

    The above quote is from the greatest show in television history; The Wire.  It means literally what you think it does but what it represents on the show is far more important.  You see in Season 1 of the show a cop gets shot.  The higher ups in the police department decide to blow a long term wire tap investigation and take down the criminals in question immediately.  They are going to raid the stash houses, make arrests and “put the dope on the table” to show the drug dealers they mean business.  In reality it’s all for show, a less than stellar plan that will be a good photo op for the newspapers but will accomplish nothing.  You see in the world of drug dealing, there will always be more drugs.  The dope on the table represents but a small percentage of the world’s drugs.  It is all for show, but it’s how lieutenants become captains and captains become sergeants so it is done despite not actually fixing any real problems.

    Joe Paterno’s firing is dope on the table.  You can’t tell me that anything will be better for it.  Happy Valley will not become a safer place, those poor children will not feel relief and nothing will really change.  Every one with a social media outlet has given their opinion on this topic for the last 5 days but I have yet to hear anyone even suggest what is going to be done going forward to fix this.  I haven’t heard of one measure put in place to insure this never happens again.

    The following is an excerpt from the court transcript on the case.  The alleged encounter took place in 1998 years before the alleged incident on the Penn State campus

    Detective Ronald Schreffler testifies that he and State College Police Department Detective Ralph Ralston, with the consent of the mother of Victim 6, eavesdrop on two conversations the mother of Victim 6 has with Sandusky. Sandusky says he has showered with other boys and Victim 6′s mother tries to make Sandusky promise never to shower with a boy again but he will not. At the end of the second conversation, after Sandusky is told he cannot see Victim 6 anymore, Schreffler testifies Sandusky says, “I understand. I was wrong. I wish I could get forgiveness. I know I won’t get it from you.

    Please tell me how this happened and NOTHING came of it.  Once the phrase “showered with young boys” is said that should be it.  WTF happened here that this man didn’t end up in jail?  Where’s the moral outrage for the local police department, the victim’s mother or Pennsylvania child services? 

    It doesn’t exist because it doesn’t sell newspapers and it doesn’t generate internet page views.  Questioning the decision making of a local police department gets you the 8th lead on msn.com.  But attacking a local legend, an institution, a man who built his reputation on “honor”, well that gets you the lead and that gets your story picked up on other websites and that gets you a guest spot on Bill O’Reilly.

    Don’t think for a second that I am condoning what happened or the actions taken by everyone involved including Joe Paterno because I’m not.  He didn’t do enough, plain and simple.  But what should have been a story about one terrible human being and the litany of people who didn’t stop him along the way instead became a witch hunt.  Joe Paterno became the face of this scandal somehow and that’s not right.  But he was the biggest name and getting on your high horse and condemning a man for “not doing enough”, all the while hiding behind this misguided idea of “morality” is an easy rode to take.  Nobody can criticize you for fear of it being mistaken for support of what happened. 

    The world is not that black and white, but grey areas don’t make for good headlines.  So in the end the lesson is that actually inviting change and fixing a problem isn’t as important as making sure the public perceives that you are doing so.  So we tear down good people and we put dope on the table all “for the children” and that’s how Lieutenants become Captains and journalists become higher paid journalists.

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