Randy Moss is a top 5 greatest badass in sports history. He is the most talented football player of my life time. This last fact, while technically an opinion is actually irrefutable. The man did this for God’s sake:
I like to imagine Randy as sort of a lone wolf. He walked off the field before the final whistle 10 years ago. He mooned the crowd in Lambeau. He hit a traffic cop with his automobile going about 3 MPH. He uttered the most iconic line in the history of press conferences: “Straight cash homey”. He got coaches fired and turned Daunte Culpepper into a good NFL Quarterback. He did all this while making ridiculous catches, running by defenseless backs (see what I did there?) and outperforming everyone else on earth at catching footballs and scoring touchdowns, when he actually gave a shit.
Then he went to the NFL Auswitch known as the Oakland Raiders. He was still a badass but a badass that was washed up. The Patriots stole acquired him and suddenly the most badass receiver on the planet was playing nice and doing things the Patriot way. He also had the best season by a wide receiver since the heyday of one Jerry L. Rice. The old white guy media gave Randy’s rightful MVP to Tom Brady, but bad asses don’t care about trophies. Randy was once again better at catching footballs than anyone else.
Bill Belichick is stone cold pimp. He loves ‘em and leaves ‘em. Ty Law, Richard Seymour, Drew Bledsoe, Deon Branch, these are all examples of players that Belichick had when the going was good and dumped before they got old and fat, and no longer high priced talent. Randy Moss was his number one hoe and Randy loved it. He changed who he was, bought into the Patriot way and fell hard for Daddy Belichick. Then Randy lost a step, some desperate team offered a good deal and Belichick traded up once again.
The old Randy would have ripped Belichick and Brady on the way out. He would have bitched about Foxboro’s cold weather and then lit up the league for the next 10 weeks or so. Instead, he acted like your unfortunate friend who takes his breakup especially hard. Rumor has it he made Bill a mixtape, wrote some emo poetry and got really into the Smiths. He openly admitted he missed the Patriots and pined to be back playing for Daddy Belichick. The off season came and Randy retired rather than signing with some half assed team he didn’t love. Yesterday he admitted he would only un-retire if it was with the Patriots. Much like your friend who calls his ex at 4 a.m. begging to be taken back, I feel for Randy. It pains me to see him like this. In a few years hopefully this whole escapade will be behind us. Randy will be going into the Hall of Fame (after a few years of the bullshit agenda that the old white media have) and our memories will be all one handed catches, crazy hops and badass behavior. The mixtape will be in the trash and nobody will remember when Randy turned into that guy from “500 Days of Summer”.
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