Lions VS 49ers- The 49ers employed a winning strategy to stop super duper Megatron. They guarded him with as many as 5 defensive players and limited him to 113 yards and no touchdowns. I drew a picture to help explain
This was by far the most effective strategy to date and resulted in the Lions first loss of the season. By taking away super Megatron the 49ers took away Matt Stafford’s ability to throw ball far and Matt Stafford loves to throw ball far. If you watch any highlight shows then you have surely seen the tiff that the coaches got into after the game. While I agree with Lion’s coach Jim Swartz that Jim Harbaugh acted like a dick, I commend Harbaugh for not apologizing, Swartz completely overreacted and nobody should even care about this.
Packers VS Rams- Aaron Rodgers is so fucken good he toys with opposing defenses. The man is the best quarterback alive. The belt celebration he does is for “World’s Greatest QB”. By my estimates he threw 8 touchdowns and 700 yards in the first half and then took the second half off to prank call Bret Favre’s house.
You can't out woo Aaron Rodgers! woooooooo
Steelers VS Jags- I wonder if Jack Del Rio updates his resume during the games or if he waits until after. Amazingly enough, the Jags came within a Hail Mary of winning this game. That’s all I have because I don’t think we watched more than 3 plays if this game.
Redskins VS Eagles- This game went exactly how we thought it would 6 weeks ago. Rex Grossman threw 18 Interceptions and the Eagles offense looked terrific until it got inside the Redskins 10 yard line then they suddenly looked like a bunch of handicap children playing duck, duck goose.
If this joke ofended you go fuck yourself
Panthers VS Falcons- It’s biggest Turner time, it’s biggest Turner time, it’s daddy’s favorite show, it’s daddy’s favorite show. In a related note, everyone who bought into the new Falcon’s aerial attack hype in the preseason has learned a valuable lesson, Matt Ryan isn’t very good.
Ravens VS Texans- Ray Rice is in beast mode. Every day he’s shuffling. If Chuck Norris tried to tackle him Chuck Norris would end up on his face. Ray Rice is angling for one of those Chris Johnson/Adrian Peterson type contracts. Insert your own Ray Rice hyperbole here.
Raiders VS Browns- The Browns are so bad that Kyle Boller came in for an injured Jason Campbell and the Browns still couldn’t win this game. Peyton Hillis and his 1 fantasy point can go fuck themselves. Seriously, good luck getting that new contract Peyton. I hope it’s with the Las Vegas Locomotives of the UFL.
Saints VS Bucs- The Saints looked amazing last week in a win and the Bucs lost by 103 points. So naturally the Bucs came out gangbusters and won this week led by 75 year old Ernest Graham. Drew Brees threw for 350 yards for the 4th straight week but also threw 3 picks so he dropped to 3rd in the “World’s Greatest Quarterback” race.
Cowboys VS Pats- The first quarter of this game featured 4 turnovers. Every time we turned this game on one of these 2 teams would hand the ball to the other one. What should have been a 49-42 shootout between two potent offenses ended 20-16. The Cowboys hit Tom Brady and jammed his receivers and executed a terrific game plan the whole day. But Tom Brady and his new haircut showed why they are neck and neck with Aaron Rodgers and his awesome beard for world’s greatest quarterback belt by leading a game winning drive. Brady had the belt in his record breaking 18-1 season, it was up for grabs when he blew his knee out 12 minutes into the next season, Brees claimed it when he won the Super Bowl the next season, Rodgers grabbed it last year and has it until someone takes it away from him.
Colts VS Bengals- Peyton Manning probably hears all this talk about the 3 way race between Brees, Brady and Rodgers for best QB alive and yells at the TV; “REALLY, FUCK ALL OF YOU, WAIT UNTIL MY NECK IS BETTER I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PASS FOR NINE THOUSAND YARDS AND 75 TOUCHDOWNS, DO NOT FORGET ABOUT ME”. Also the Bengals and Colts played the type of boring game you’d expect from 2 teams that will combine to win 8 games this year.
I'm a regional manager. I'm very important, I drive a Dodge Stratus!
Geico Guinea Pig Commercial- Click the following link and watch this commercial. We laughed incredibly hard and actively tried to see commercials just to catch it.
Giants VS Bills- In the battle for best team in New York (sorry Jet fans) the Giants prevailed. I have watched probably 355 of the 360 minutes the Giants have played this year and they are incredibly maddening to root for. One minute they can look amazing, the D-line busting through and making tackles for losses, Eli connecting on long passes, Ahmad Bradshaw making it biggest Bradshaw time, all these things happen and remind me of their vaunted Super Bowl run a few years ago. Other times they look completely hapless, dropping passes, missing tackles, blowing coverages and wasting 1 timeout per half because they can’t get a play off in time. This particular game they had more of the former plays than the latter and eked out a 3 point win. It made up for the 80 yard run by Fred Jackson in the first quarter when Deon Grant looked like someone playing Madden who has never played before and takes the wrong angle to make a tackle. Everyone who has played Madden just nodded their head right now.
In honor of National Breast Cancer month here is Marissa Miller wearing a pink Bikini
save the boobies
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