The Mets are once again for sale. The Wilpon’s sale of a minority stake in the team to David Einhorn fell through. This means my dream of owning the Mets (or at least a part of the Mets) is still in play. What would I do if I own the Mets? Let’s review my 431 step plan to fix the Mets.
She could single handily boost attendance just by giving her season tickets
1. Drop ticket prices. Drop them in half. Drop them to a third of the original price. Make every ticket not in the lower level $5. Let anyone sitting in upper level seats to move down to lower level seats that are not occupied by the 4th inning. Just get people to go. Get them in the stadium watching the Mets. Get them buying $8 beers, $6 hot dogs, foam fingers (however much those cost), $35 hats and Jose Reyes jerseys discounted for some mysterious reason. Art Moreno, the owner of the Angels, did something similar to this. When he purchased the team he lowered the price of beer, this created good will and brought the team positive attention, 2 things the Mets severely lack.
2. People are starting to come to the game? Ok, good, now ban any one from entering wearing a jersey of any sport that isn’t baseball. This includes all hockey, football and basketball jerseys. It’s a baseball game, wear a fucken baseball jersey. While I’m at it, anybody wearing a jersey of any baseball team not involved in the game taking place will not be allowed in the stadium. There’s nothing worse than the jerk off Yankee fan wearing a Jeter jersey to a game between two National League teams. While I’m at it, we are banning the Wave. My thoughts on this have been well documented here but needless to say the Wave is for babies and idiots. People should go to the game to watch a riveting contest between the two teams involved. Part 1 should breed a new generation of Met fans; now let’s mold them into smart, reasonable baseball fans.
If you see this guy at Citi Field feel free to throw shit at him.
3. Steps 3 through 430: wait. That’s how many days until the 2013 season starts. I wish that Major League Baseball was like your fantasy league, where every year things start fresh and everyone has an equal chance to compete, but it’s not. It takes years to build a competitive team and the 2011 Mets were not there and the 2012 Mets won’t be but hopefully by developing young talent, not handcuffing the team’s entire budget with a few short sighted big contracts coughBayCastilloRodriguezcough maybe, finally, Met fans will have a chance to watch a team grow organically the way a baseball team is supposed to grow instead of doing a half-assed impression of the Yankees.
431. Spend $10 million to hire Andrew Friedman away from the Tampa Rays. He’s a former Wall Street guy, bring him back to New York. He is doing wonders in Tampa with a payroll a fourth the size of the Yankees and Sox. Imagine what he could do with the resources the Mets and New York have to offer. $10 million not enough? Offer $20 million. Find the magic number and bring him here. Hell, $20 million is less than what the team blew on Luis Castillo, a player someone like Friedman would be smart enough not to sign. Look, theoretically the deal would immediately pay for itself.
So there’s my plan, I just need $200 million to pull it off. Scratch that, I have about $4000 already, I only need $199,996,000. So if everyone who reads this gets a hundred thousand friends and they all donate a dollar then we are in good shape.
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