Oh Rex, even though being at that game Sunday night was a total waste of my time, this just melts my heart.
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Recap of NFL Week 9 and a Picture of a Hot Girl
Jets VS Buffalo- This game was ugly. At one point at the end of the first half the 2 teams had 3 turnovers and a missed field goal in about a 2 minute span. However this Jets team is made to win ugly and they absolutely shutdown Bachelor Bible favorite Ryan Fitzpatrick who threw for about 85 yards the entire game until leading a late touchdown drive in garbage time. The AFC East is now a 3 way tie between the Jets, Pats and Bills. “You’re Welcome Jet fans”- Eli Manning
Miami VS Kansas City- The Dolphins have been the dregs of the NFL all season but on this day the Dolphins looked like world beaters. Matt Moore looked more like Tom Brady than Brady on Sunday. Reggie Bush for the second week in a row looked like Reggie Bush in NCAA06. Their defense looked like the 85 Bears, mostly because Matt Cassel is terrible and the Chiefs offense doesn’t have one player with an 80 total rating in Madden. This paragraph broke the record for most football video game references in Bachelor Bible history. Congrats on your first win Dolphins, you win a copy of NFL Gameday courtesy of Bachelor Bible.
Does anyone know Tony Sparano's mailing address?
Dallas VS Seattle- The Cowboys didn’t want to win this game. They threw interceptions, fumbled away touchdowns on the goal line and gave up points to the awful Seahawks offense. However the Seahawks are epically awful so the Cowboys won by double digits and sportswriters everywhere will write how Tony Romo is a winner this week.
Falcons VS Colts- Julio Jones had 2 catches in the first half and both were long touchdown passes. On one play Matt Ryan literally just threw the ball as far as he could to the end zone at 3 different Colts defensive backs and Julio Jones somehow ended up with the ball. This led to speculation that the Colts are so bad they have white defensive backs which if true diminishes this catch.
New Orleans VS Tampa- The last team to win a Super Bowl without an elite quarterback were the Steelers back in 2006. Rothlisberger had yet to develop into an elite QB and the team won mostly on the strength of its defense and running game (and the help of the officials if you ask everyone in Seattle). The last 5 years have shown that if you want to win a Super Bowl you need an elite QB. You cannot win a Super Bowl anymore without a passing game capable of flinging the ball around the field and big play receivers. I bring this up because this game illustrates perfectly between the “haves” and the “have nots” of the NFL. The Saints are “haves”, they have Drew Brees and a litany of big play threats including Darren Sproles, Jimmy Graham and Marquis Colsten. The Bucs do not have. Josh Freeman is a perfectly fine quarterback but he isn’t at the upper echelon yet. Furthermore his best WR is Mike Williams’ corpse which truth be told is highly productive for being a corpse but is below average overall. The Saints won this game because they have an elite QB who isn’t throwing to corpses and receivers less effective than a corpse.
San Fran VS Washington- I heard Frank Gore had like 187 yards in this game. I can’t confirm this fact because this was the winner of this week’s “Game we didn’t even try to watch, not even a little bit”
Houston VS Cleveland- Arian Foster and Ben Tate had over 100 yards in this game. So did Derrick Ward, Ahman Green, Steve Slaton, Ron Dayne and David Carr. The Browns had nobody rush for 100 yards in this game because Peyton Hillis is taking the “Madden Curse” to all new levels this year. Has anyone ever gone from the cover of Madden to not in the game the next season?
Every Giant fan just threw up a little
Denver VS Oakland- It’s biggest Tebow time, it’s biggest Tebow time, it’s daddy’s favorite religious, lightening rod quarterback, it’s daddy’s favorite religious lightening rod quarterback. In all seriousness the Tebow rollercoaster is going up this week. We will hear from all the Tebow supporters this week and everyone who called him “a joke” last week will be suddenly quiet. Then next week if the Chiefs rebound and shut him down and intercept a few of his poorly thrown balls than the new narrative will be, “wow look how awful he is”. Tim Tebow is a young quarterback with a strange throwing motion and moderate arm strength who didn’t get all the first team reps in a shortened preseason and is playing with a below average wide receiving core and a coach who learned about this thing called “the forward pass” about 7 months ago. Let’s wait a few SEASONS before we crucify him or anoint him for sainthood. In a related note Carson Palmer is still terrible.
Rams VS Cardinals- This game ended on a 99 yard punt return by Patrick Peterson aka Ed Reed 2.0. That’s all you need to know.
Can we get Patrick Peterson on a good team please?
Chargers VS Packers- Bachelor Bible has been pimping Aaron Rodgers as “Best QB Alive” for weeks now. The hype has gotten so out of control that somebody on Sports Center said that he is playing better than Peyton Manning, Tom Brady or Joe Montana has ever played. This may be true and Aaron Rodgers has the belt but please do not for one second get it twisted. If John Elway played today he would pass for 500 yards a game and cause a mass suicide among defensive coordinators.
Cincy VS Tenn- I’m sorry for making fun of Andy Dalton every week. Aaron Rodgers has the belt but Andy Dalton has the title of “best soulless ginger freckle faced quarterback”. He doesn’t get a belt for this but rather maybe a rubber band with the title written in pen. Chris Johnson rushed for a season high 64 yards. File that under sentences I never thought that I’d write.
Giants VS Pats- I think I blacked out from this game so I will let my friend Mike take this one. Somehow this game had no points scored in the first half but 21 scored in the last 200 seconds. It was a classic Manning VS Brady matchup however this time it was Eli Manning who after this game and Super Bowl 42 officially owns Thomas L. Brady. Also every Giant fan that rips him needs to STFU and realize how lucky we are to have him. Even though he does one thing a day that makes you want to smash your head against the wall it could be worse, you could have Kevin Kolb at quarterback or dare I say Tom Brady……
This week, Eva Mendes
No words
The Best Tailgating Beers
It’s approaching quite quickly. My first Jets game of the season is around the corner. September 11, 2011, New York Jets against the Dallas Cowboys. I am so excited to get back into the football groove.What do I do for tailgating you ask? We bring A LOT of food and beer. That’s basically all you need. Oh and a few chairs so your not sitting on the ground.
But your a girl you might be saying to yourself. Ladies don’t drink beer. Well, lets get something straight. I’m not a lady, especially at football games. And, I drink a lot of beer.Our friends over at Busted Coverage has made a list of the best tailgating beers made. You know I’ll be packing my car with some of these.
Pabst – Nothing says I’m ready to get ripped up better than a can of PBR. It’s a classic beer for those in the know. The only problem with tailgating with Pabst is you’ll probably have to switch to some lesser beer inside the stadium. Not many places carry it.
Coors Light – Sure, it’s mostly water and pretty much tastes like it, but Coors is perfect if you’re really looking to pound some down. You’re not likely to wake up with a raging hangover because it’s so watery. And if you’re a complete idiot and can’t tell the difference between a cold beer and a warm one, there’s that stupid blue mountain thing on the can.
Milwaukee’s Best – The name is a total misnomer. Milwaukee’s Best isn’t good. It’s what we served at house parties in college because it was so cheap and that’s why it’s on the list. If you’re thrifty, this is the way to go. You can probably get a half barrel for around $50. After three or four, you won’t even notice how bad it tastes and when you get inside the stadium and order a Bud Light it will taste like top-shelf Cognac.
Guinness – It’s not for everyone, but if you favor something heartier then Guinness is the way to go. It’s thick and robust and goes great with grilled meat. It also goes great by itself. Guinness will fill you up and most stadiums carry it.
In my opinion, the Milwaukee’s Best and Coors Light is for the beer pong & flip cup. I’m not a fan of Pabst but it’s really cheap. Enjoy the upcoming football season everyone!
No commentsNew Meadowlands Stadium May Finally Have A Name
The New Meadowlands Stadium opened last year, home to the New York Jets and New York Giants, without an official sponsored name. It is being reported by the New York Post that MetLife has bought the naming rights.
The New Meadowlands Stadium, which has gone by its awkward plain-jane name since opening last fall, has finally found a major company to buy the naming rights of the stadium: MetLife Insurance, which you probably know from its Snoopy-flying blimps above golf tournaments and other sporting events. The New York Post is reporting that the deal will bring in $20 million per year for the next 20 years. So for those keeping score at home, the Mets play at Citi Field, the Nets play will soon play at Barclay Center, and now the Jets and Giants will play at MetLife Stadium.
According to the Post: “MetLife bought one of four smaller rights deals, called cornerstone partnerships, three years ago for $7 million a year. That deal was scheduled to run until 2014 — but will end upon the anticipated announcement of the insurance company’s upgrade to a full stadium naming rights deal. Sources said that MetLife and both teams have been trying to hash out a deal since last year but a volatile market has held up talks.’
An announcement won’t be made until next week (likely before the Jets-Giants pre-season game), but at least it’s being announced well in advance of the 2014 Super Bowl, which is probably the real prize for MetLife. (via: Brobible)
What does this mean? It means that possibly I can stop paying god dam PSL’s, personal seating license fees, for my Jet season tickets!
Check out the article by the NY Post here.
No commentsDid You See the Dumb Jet Fans?
During Monday nights preseason football game between the New York Jets and Houston Texans, there was a crowd shot after the Texans scored a touchdown. It showed many fans jumping and cheering for their home team. But, wait. Why are those Jet fans cheering? Are they drunk? Do they know that the Jets didn’t score that touchdown? Did you wear Jet clothing because it was the only NFL teams shirts you could find?
No commentsCheck Out: Found On Craigslist- Female Foot “Worship” & Giants Tickets
I love football, and would probably do anything to keep my Jets season ticket package I have. People offer me a lot of different things to get tickets to some of the games. The season opener this year is the Jets against the Dallas Cowboys on September 11th, on Monday night football. This is going to be a great game. I’ve been offered a lot of money for my seats. They can all go scratch their asses.
This bring us to Craigslist. If your looking to sell your tickets, sell parking passes or to buy them, this is the place to go. Strange things happen on Craigslist. Check out what he was willing to GIVE up his tickets for.
No commentsSome people claim they will do anything for tickets, and one incredibly questionable Craigslist posting from today is about to put that conviction to the test.
A New York City man (well, we’re assuming it’s a man) is willing to part with his two preseason Giants tickets in exchange for the opportunity to “worship a hot girl’s feet.” According to the ad, all he wants to do is massage and “worship” (whatever that entails) your female feet for one hour. He’s even willing to do drinks beforehand, though we doubt getting hammered will do much to curb what is sure to be an unprecedented level of awkwardness.
Anyone desperate enough to indulge this man’s foot fetish must first send a photo. He promises to do the same. (via: sportsgrid)
Man Moment: Nick Folk and the New York Jets
J!-E!-T!-S! JETS! JETS!! JETS!!! That’s all I have to say after the JETS gave it good to the Colts. Suck It Peyton!
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NFL Playoff Picture 2010-2011
Next weekend the NFL playoffs begin. Here is a look at the match-ups.
The New York Jets will take on the Indinapaolis Colts. Rematch of the ’09-’10 AFC Championship Game. Hopefully, for us here at The Bachelor Bible, the ending will turn out different and the Jets can walk away with the win. The winner of this game will play the New England Patriots.
The Baltimore Ravens will play the Kansas City Chiefs. The winner of this game will play the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Divisional round.
The Green Bay Packers will play the Philidelphia Eagles. The winner of this game will advance to the Divisional round against the Atlanta Falcons.
The New Orleans Saints, last years Super Bowl winners, will play the Seattle Seahawks. The winner of this game will play the Chicago Bears in the Divisional round.
(Editors Note: Though Lauren is a huge Jet fan, she is quite happy for the Seahawks and Leon Washington. See here.)
No commentsMan Moment: Punt Return the Giants Will NEVER Forget.
This past Sunday, December 19th 2010, the New York Giants plated their division rivals, the Philadelphia Eagles. The Giants could see overtime over the horizon. With 14 seconds left in the game, all their punter, Matt Dodge had to do was kick the football out of bounce so they could stop the Eagles run game on the opposite side of the field. Instead, he decided to kick it to the Eagles best punt returner, Desean Jackson. Not only did Jackson drop the catch, he had to run back a few yards to pick it up. He then ran it in for a touchdown and won the game for them.
Congrats Desean, you get the title of this weeks Man Moment.
(Editors Note: We are not bias because we are all New York Jet fans.)
No commentsThis Guy Sucks: Sal Alosi
Being a Jets fan and meeting up with Ren and Brendan on Sunday for the game was awesome, but the game itself though, not so much. Ok, Ok, I understand the Jets lost to the Dolphins, but come on! Tripping?! I expect this thing in hockey, not from the sidelines. If you missed what happened here is a little snippet from the New York Times.
On Monday, Sal Alosi was suspended by the Jets without pay for the rest of the season and fined an additional $25,000 for purposely sticking his left knee out and tripping Carroll during Sundays game againist the Dolphins.
I have a feeling that is might doom the Jets season for 2010. Moral might be low right now with 2 losses, but I think this is the icing on the cake. I think Rex Ryan needs to fire the Jets back up and show them that they are better than this crap!
The Bachelor Bible
Life can be hard when your single, fortunately those of us at The Bachelor Bible have enough real world experience to guide you through the rough patches. Unless, your a loser, then we can't do anything for you. But don't leave, because there are plenty of half-naked women to beat one off to while you cry.